Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Celebrating "Our" Gay Pride?

June is winding down, and like many cities across the United States, Atlanta just celebrated “our” annual Gay pride celebration. While it is wonderful to see the unity that Gay pride brings, I have to say that this year, like every other year I have called Atlanta home, the great diversity that makes Atlanta, Hotlanta was absent.

When discussing this issue with my friend, Emma (who is a white lesbian), I came to realize how black people are viewed in regards to pride participation. She argued that black people simply don’t want to be included in the pride festivities. If black people wanted to come to the events, they are more than welcome. The problem, according to Emma, is that they don’t want to attend.

In many ways, I agree. We do not want to attend because too often we are made to feel unwelcome or to feel that we should feel honored just to be there. I, for one, refuse to spend my good gay dollar in support of anything that runs contrary to my interests and I feel that due to White Gay Pride’s lack of diversity and failed efforts at inclusion, it runs contrary.

This is Atlanta. While exceedingly liberal and increasingly diverse, Atlanta is still the south and the majority of the city’s wealth is unduly saturated within the hands of the majority (i.e. White people). The racially underlined mentality that black people should simply be happy to be able to sit at the table is prevalent within the white gay community.

If the White Gay Pride committee really wanted inclusion and truly served a diverse population, actual events and activities would have been marketed to Atlanta’s diverse black and Latino populations. Of the twenty seven people on the 2007 Gay Pride festival committee, three of them were people of color. Of the three people listed, none were recognizable by either myself or my friend James, who is an active member of the Black Atlanta club scene.

White gay pride in Atlanta is a wonderful time for many people. Celebrations of rainbow flags, drunken dances in the park, and enough shirtless white guys to fill several bars abound, but I am thankful that black gay pride (labor-day in the ATL) is right around the corner. Vanilla is tasty, but I, for one, love my chocolate cakes.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

The Love of My Life- An Ideal Relationship

Today marked what would have been my third anniversary with the bonafide love of my life. Yes, I know I have yet to introduce Tim, and that is with good reason.

Words that come to mind: amazing, strong, caring, sexy chocolate drop- Yes, this is what I think when I think of the man I shared 18 of the best months of my life with.

Tim came into my life when I needed him the most. It was June of 2004. I had just purchased my house and was wondering how my life was going to come together. It felt like my career was advancing, my personal goals were being achieved, but the one thing I craved the most (true love) was missing. I actually recall praying for the right PERSON to come and provide me with the love I felt I was constantly giving but never receiving, and then, I met Tim.

I thought this was a match made in heaven (and I guess, to some degree, I still do). He was a cancer, I was a scorpio. I just thought we would make forever. I just guess I was wrong.

Like others before me, I realize now that I knew how to love but I had no idea how to be loved. A product of dysfunction and drama (thanks, Ma) I had no idea how to sustain a loving and productive relationship. Without even knowing it, I was engaging in self-destructive and unhealthy habits that caused a vibrant and healthy relationship to falter.

When you imagine the love of your life, you imagine the good times. The baths together, complete with wine and candles; the birthday, Christmas, and anniversary gifts; the weekend trips, Wednesday night television and Monday night suppers. What you do not imagine is the unemployment, career changes, the needs of family, the opinions of friends. The love of your life is ideal when it is just that- an idea. Things become a little more complicated when the ideal becomes real and you only have one chance to make it work. I guess I fucked up my chance.

I spent a lot of time after my relationship with Tim ended trying to get him back, but alas, it was to no avail. He had moved on before we even broke up and I finally did the same. Still, I cannot help but look back and wonder “What if?” Still, I raise my glass and say to him, wherever he may be, “Happy Anniversary, Smurfy! You will always be in my heart!”

Sunday, June 17, 2007

I'm justing wondering why (Meticulous Musings)

I'm just wondering why (Meticulous Musings)

1. Why does Double Dees have three consistent things in his bedroom: condoms, lube, and Doritos?

2. Why did Uncle Fe Fe get a rash on his arm after sleeping with David (I am not saying there is a connection, but hey…)

3. Why does 50 Cent look 50 years old on the most recent cover of VIBE magazine?

4. Why did Norton and Ralph, the whale sharks in the Georgia Aquarium, die (I asked Douglas this question and he replied it was the black people. When I asked him what he meant, he said the black employees there poured hot sauce and season salt in the water).

If Only You Knew...

I spoke to my cousin Monty yesterday and he told me had broken things off with his boyfriend. Well, at least they made it three months. I was saddened to hear the news and with good reason.

Oh, how I recall my good, old, bygone college days. I graduated from a small, rural high school in Alabama just ten years ago. I loved the University of Alabama. From the boys on the yard to the boys on the field, boys were one thing that Alabama did not have in short supply.

Thick, cornbread-fed country boys are truly just about the best kind of man one can find. The only thing better is a thick, cornbread-fed county boy is a thick, cornbread fed county boy with a switch.

While in college, we all knew of frat boys who got down and all heard of athletes who did. I was never approached by an athlete. It was common knowledge that they kept their gay shenanigans to themselves.

Well, Monty, now a graduate student at the University of Kentucky, found the elusive, mythical trade we all dream about. Mr. Heisman was indeed Mr. He is Man! A quarterback with a body out of this world, Mr. Heisman was really into Monty. Monty saw him on campus and hit him up on facebook. They started talking and eventually a relationship developed. Well, unfortunately, this past weekend, Monty called off the relationship because he felt that Mr. Heisman was not as into him as he was into Mr. Heisman. Poor, child. If only I would have known at 24 what I now know at 28!

I wish I would have known then that you don’t let go of a good thing! Period.

I wish I would have known then that the small things don’t matter. It does not matter if he calls you every day or texts you back immediately. It doesn’t matter if he tells you he loves when I first feel that you love him. What matters is the time you spend with him. Not the quantity, but the quality.

I wish I would have known then that all things work out in time. No one knows what a man is feeling but that man. It is truly pointless to speculate about someone else’s feelings or to over think some else’s actions. What matters is not what he is feeling, but what you are feeling. If it feels right and if it feels good, hold on and make the best of what you have.

We all have to learn our own lessons to learn and hopefully Monty will come to learn his lessons in time.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Taking What we Can Get…

Parker has made it perfectly clear that he cannot see a relationship with me. But does it really matter what he says, or does it matter more about what he does? His actions tell me he cares deeply. He calls, he texts, he appreciates. But he constantly says he does not want anything more than a friendship.

Now, I am a wise old bird, so I am not locking myself into anything. I am not beating myself up about what Parker may or may not feel. I like him and I enjoy spending time with him.

But on last Sunday, I met Olsen and everything was thrown into the air.

Just as I was resigned to accept that in my life, a hot sexual affair with a twenty one year old that carried no stability and no commitment was the best I could do, I met Olsen. A twenty four year old Scorpio, Olsen seems relationship oriented. He’s a spiritualist. He does not believe in organized religion and he lives by the law of the universe. I am intrigued, to say the least.

I care greatly for Parker. I have come to enjoy his company a great deal. But I know that it will come to a point where I am going to need more than what a friend can offer.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

These Uncles of Mine (Introducing the First Family)

Too often we lack the support system family provides, so we, being the innovative lot that we are, make up our own families. Abandoned by fathers, shunned by mothers, ostracized by siblings, too often we find ourselves on the outside of the conventional family unit.

This weekend, at a graduation barbecue, I realized the value of my extended family. Not only can they throw down in the kitchen, they keep the spirits high.

The first family consists of Fe Fe, Mallory, Kenny, Ray, White Lady, Timmy, Deanne, Douglas, Geri, and Lil Bit.

These men are, in many ways, my extended family. I have eight uncles (Fe Fe, Kenny, Ray, White Lady, Timmy, Gatsby, Deanne, and Mallory) and one first cousin (Douglas).

This family is large, granted, but they each teach some important lessons.

With numerous vices (the members of the first family are prone to overindulge- in drink, in food, in fashion, in pecs, and in sex), these men represent some of the best success stories I have encountered in same gender loving individuals. These uncles of mine read with the best of them, and drink like few others, but they are always there when a member of the family is in need. They are supportive and generous and truly irreplaceable.