Welcome to the Real World (And when I stand on these tables before you... You will know what this time was for)

"Welcome to the real world,"
She said to me
Condescendingly
Take a seat
Take your life
Plot it out in black and white
Well, I never lived the dreams of the prom kings
And the drama queens
I'd like to think the best of me
Is still hiding
Up my sleeve."
-from John Mayer's song, No Such Thing

Graduation time. Last week, both Chris and Sean graduated from college. While Chris has already been introduced, Sean is a long time friend still in Alabama. When I speak of Sean, I will probably also speak about my cousin Monty and my friend RJ, even though RJ and I are not speaking. We fell out around MLK and have not spoken since, but I am sure this will pass.

It seems like just yesterday I graduated from UA and was off to conquer the world. Well, the world was not that conquerable.

I imagined myself a Carrie living in the city, searching for love, but still coming out on top, no matter what. I imagined myself a Mary Richards, doing it my way and making it after all.

Instead of Carrie and Mary, I’m a lot more like Dorothy and Roseanne Conner. Old, grumpy, and bitter, but still trying to make it. Yes, destined to fail, but still trying nonetheless.

Dorothy Zbornak was always dry and witty and funny, but loving and protective and responsible. Yes, sounds like me. Roseanne was always working against odds for her family and herself, but alas, like most American tragic heroes, she was doomed to fail. Her kids became bums and her husband had a heart attack, and she turned to both drugs and a lesbian kiss from Sandra Bernhardt (yuck). While I doubt that lesbian kisses are in my future, mediocrity seems to greet me every day. Alas, this is my life.

I thought that by 28 I would be happily settled, loving my job, financially stable, and living a life of prosperity and promise. Instead, I am single with closing options, a career choice I am constantly second guessing, and a bank account that looks like Old Mother Hubbard’s cupboard. Yes, there are no bones out there for me.

Chris, with his bachelor’s in accountancy, and Sean, with a master’s in student affairs, should fare well out here in this real world. But again, we were all “Marys” and “Carries” at one point in time.