Thursday, December 25, 2008

Much Needed Christmas Love...


Merry Christmas...

I am leaving for Mississippi and family and possibly no internet connection for the next three days. I can't wait to catch up on all the blogs I have missed and update on all the things that transpired this past week. Read you soon, honey!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

A Christmas Wish?


I am wondering if I did the right thing.

Last Christmas, Joey was a large part of my life. Joey, if you recall, was a gay kid in the group home where my old roommate worked. My old roommate, Aaron, wanted to adopt him, but because he did not own his own home, he was unable to do so. Both Aaron and I went through the process of being approved guardians for home stays and respite care for Joey (I went through this process because Aaron and I were roommates.) Aaron was a good “foster” father to Joey and I could see Joey making significant progress towards maturing. When Aaron decided to leave Atlanta and move back to Los Angeles, I was sad and worried about what would happen to Joey. I made a vow, if you recall, to be a part of Joey’s life and to continue impacting his life.

Damn. I did not keep that vow.

After spending three months with Joey, we had a major disagreement. His group home called me to reprimand him for wearing “drag” to school. And yes, “drag” is against (although this is probably illegal) school rules. Because Joey insisted on wearing red pumps, skin tight jeans, and a halter top, he was placed in in-school suspension for two consecutive days and missed out on classroom instruction.

I had asked Joey repeatedly to not dress like a girl when going to school. I did not allow Joey to dress like a girl around me, period. And it was not because I have a problem with him having gender-identity issues. It was because of how unseeming in would look for a twenty nine year old man to have a fifteen year old boy by his side who was dressed like a girl.

I confronted Joey about his behavior and told him that I felt as though it was disrespectful to me for him to dress like a girl in public. We disagreed and he hung the phone up in my face. I called him back repeatedly only to be told that he did not want to talk to me. We have not spoken since.

On Tuesday night, Aaron, my old roommate and Joey’s “foster father” called me to say that Joey needed help.

He said that Joey’s foster family was mistreating him and that both he and Joey’s social worker felt as though the time he had spent with me and the first family had really been a good experience for him. He said Joey’s social worker felt as though he needed me in his life again.

He really touched my heart with his words because I do feel as though my friends and I made a great impact on Joey’s life. We gave him an amazing Christmas and tried to help him realize that just because you are gay does not mean that you have to dress and act feminine. I thought about the responsibility Joey bought to my life (several people, because of Joey’s attitude and refusal to follow simple rules, i.e. no inappropriate internet sites and no inappropriate self-pics sent via internet warned me about allowing Joey in my house). I considered allowing Joey back into my life.

And then Aaron told me that Joey looked a little different. Aaron said that Joey had recently grown his hair out, permed it, and flipped it. He said that from the back, you could not tell whether or not he was a boy or a girl.

I told Aaron to enjoy the holidays and that I wished them both the best, but that I was unable to allow Joey to be a part of my life.

Did I do the right thing?

Monday, December 8, 2008

This economy hurts...

Throughout the blogosphere, a number of writers have explored the ups and downs of our economy but few of them are currently living it. If you have taken a visit over to my good friend’s TrackboiATL’s blog, you will see a very real exploration of how our economy is hurting people.

The recession is real and has been real since 2007, despite the denials of Republicans and various talk show hosts.

Another of my dear friends recently lost his job and my heart breaks. When will the economy finally hit the bottom and when will we finally start to see some economic relief? I am afraid that things will only continue to get worse. And what can you say to someone you love when they have not only lost his or her job but there appears to be no jobs insight? Not only is it the holiday season, but unemployment is higher than it has been in recent years. No one is hiring.

Hospitals are cutting staff members. Doctors and nurses are going part time. Because property taxes were not paid, police officers, teachers, and other civil servants are looking for work.

Bailout, bailout, bailout… Leaders of major corporations are searching for help so they can keep not only their jobs, but their six figure salaries. Banks, the auto industry, builders- everyone is seeking help, but what about the average American citizen who is feeling the pain of foreclosures, unemployment, or the loss of health care?

Monday, December 1, 2008

Until...


When I first started to come to Atlanta, HIV awareness campaigns were everywhere. Free condoms and lube fell like raindrops. I was literally accosted by HIV/AIDS pamphlets at the club. Celebrities wore bracelets declaring to stand up until a cure was found. Television specials aired and blogs buzzed about the disease. Today, I have barely heard a mention of World AIDS Day and that is sad.

Over 25 million Americans have contracted HIV since 1981.
While blacks comprise only 13% of the U.S. population, 49% of new HIV cases are blacks. Of the total percentage of new black AIDS cases, 61% designated same sex male contact as their transmission category.

My heart is broken as I write this because I realize that so much more needs to be done to fight this disease. More needs to be done to educate, especially young black men, about safe, satisfying sex. More needs to be done to support those battling this disease and who are, despite inadequate health care, winning every day. And more needs to be done to honor those who have lost their lives to this disease.

I don’t know any black gay man who does not know someone who is living with this disease. I don’t know any black gay man who has not had a sexual encounter with someone who is battling this disease and I don’t know any gay black man who has not engaged in some sort of risky behavior that could have lead to this disease.

I should be HIV positive. Honestly, every one who reads this blog (gay, straight, black, white) should be HIV positive. It is by grace that I am HIV negative. The same grace that keeps me cancer free, keeps me HIV negative. And I am not HIV negative because I deserve to be and no one has HIV because they deserve to have it. I am not HIV negative because I have lived a chaste life or because I have not engaged in high risk behavior. I am HIV free right now because that is not my calling or my cross to bear at this moment and I believe the same can be said for everyone who is HIV negative.

We cannot stop caring. We cannot stop hoping. Most importantly, we cannot stop praying.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Parker gets a puppy...


For Parker, Christmas came a little early.

For the past year, I have heard puppy, puppy, puppy, and today we purchased a Christmas pooch… a schnauzer named Sophocles.

Actually, I started looking a little early because I wanted to find the right price and find the right price I did. I bought Sophee (pronounced Sof-ee) from a schnauzer breeder in South Georgia. Most purebred, registered schnauzer pups are around $500 but we got him for $300 because Uncle Fe also purchased a pup, Chiroc.

Interesting to see how this will play out… I grew up in the country so dogs and cats were always a part of my life. So much so that I grew to dislike pets a great deal. I actually said I would never have pets, especially house pets, but here I am living with two (my cat Aristotle has been here for FOUR years now if you can believe it.) Parker, on the other end, because of his father’s line of work (politician, remember) could not have pets so for him a puppy has been something he has always longed for. Again, I guess we’ll see how this all plays out. Pictures and updates are forthcoming…

And for the record, I am no longer allowed to mention Parker after this blog... We are together and doing well...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Inquisition...


Have you ever spent way too much on ingredients for a meal that went horribly wrong? Last Sunday, I made chili and it tasted horrible. The chili tasted like I poured motor oil in the pot.

Do you love your friends? My friends are amazing. I love my friends! They are the best!

Have you become friends with a blogger? Thad (This Place Called Obscurity) is a wonderful person and his roommate and best friend, Jauntae, is almost as cute as he is.

Did you buy the Beyonce CD today? While I have not listened to the new Beyonce CD, I think it is a massive waste of space for her to divide eleven songs over two CDs.

Do you still watch Desperate Housewives? I cannot wait to find out who Dave is out to get on Wisteria lane. While a lot of the season has been a wash so far, Dave keeps me watching. And those blue eyes are so piercing?

Is anyone else addicted to 90210? The show is really captivating. My lover and I watch it every Tuesday night. And are you as sad as he is that the show will not air new episodes until January 6?

Has anyone else seen Noah’s Ark the movie? I found it surprisingly good, guh.

Until Hilary Clinton become Vice-President through the order of succession,
-Corey Keith

Sunday, November 16, 2008

An Atlanta March for Proposition 8... Were you there?





On Saturday, in the heart of downtown Atlanta, a march for Proposition 8 occurred. I was there with camera in hand. Were you at a similar march in your city?

Proposition 8, according to an online source, is a state ballot proposition that amended the state Constitution to restrict the definition of marriage to a union between a man and a woman. It overrode a recent California Supreme Court decision that had recognized same-sex marriage in California as a fundamental right. The official ballot title language for Proposition 8 is "Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry." The entirety of the text to be added to the constitution was: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California."

What are your thoughts on gay marriage?

Monday, November 3, 2008

A Blessing...


One of my favorite television shows of all time is Sex in the City and my favorite episode is the first episode of season four. Carrie turns 35 and is waiting on her friends to show up at a restaurant but they never do. It is a hilarious episode. Whenever I am feeling down, I watch this episode. I am sad to admit that I often find myself identifying with Carrie. I know she’s self-centered, but she can be keenly insightful. Today I turned 30 and I am happy to say that my 30th was nothing like Carrie’s 35th.

My birthday celebration started in the mountains at Falltacular (more to come) where the first family bought me a cake (thanks Uncle Fe) and fried some midnight chicken (thanks Uncle Dee).

Throughout the day, I received many texts and calls from friends far (Courtney, Monty, Aaron) and near (so many former students who saw that today was my day on my facebook). I felt loved and valued.

When I made it home, I received a card from one of my best and longest lasting friendships, Wendell. Wendell actually sent an impressive cash gift. I was shocked. We talked on the phone and he explained how much I meant to him. Wendell is an amazing guy!

Then, Double Dees picked me up for dinner and he, Parker, and Thirsty went to my favorite restaurant, Spondivits for crab legs and shrimp.

I could not have imagined a better 30th… but it did get better. I got a message from Brian. I was surprised and overjoyed (more about Brian forthcoming).

This summer a blogger asked me why I viewed my life as a mess when I seem to have it all together. I guess for the past ten years, I viewed my life in terms of what I did not have. I am ambitious and determined to make my life what I want it to be and sometimes my focus on achievement takes my attention away from the blessings I have.

At thirty, I have finally come to realize that it is more important to count the blessings I have. At thirty, I realize how blessed I am. I am so fortunate. I have degrees, a home, a supporting family, wonderful friends, and an amazing lover. My life is not what I thought it would be. Actually, it is better than I could have ever imagined.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown... Go ahead and eat it!


Charlie Brown: Hey! I got an invitation to a Halloween party!
Lucy Van Pelt: Is the invitation to Violet's party?
Charlie Brown: Yes. It's the first time I've been invited to a party.
Lucy Van Pelt: Charlie Brown, if you got an invitation, it was a mistake. There were two lists, Charlie Brown: one to invite, and one not to invite. You must have been put on the wrong list.

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays and It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown was always one of my favorite cartoons. Charlie always made me feel better about myself. I may be a loser, but damn, I don’t have it as bad as Ol’ Charlie.

Growing up in rural Mississippi, I enjoyed the chance to pretend to be someone else. My favorite costume was always the vampire. I, like many Scorpios, love vampires. It all started with the film, Fright Night and Anne Rice’s novel, Interview with the Vampire. I have followed Lestat andMarius and Pandora through all of the novels.

This Halloween I will be at Fire in the Smokies, minus the vampire costume. I cannot afford to do it right with Christmas knocking on my door (and fishing through my wallet). What are your Halloween plans? Parties, costumes… are you on the list?

Sunday, October 26, 2008

An experience with a Scorpio...


I am a Scorpio and I am proud of it!
Our colors are dark red and black.
Our stone is a Topaz.

Famous Scorpios include Bill Gate, Hillary Clinton, and Sean Combs.

Scorpios are noted for being generous if not kind, passionate if possessive, and sexually perverse if not easy.

Noted for being emotionally volatile with a keen ability to bring out the worst in others, Scorpios usually get a bad rap.

So tell me, are you a scorpio or have you dated a Scorpio? What was the experience REALLY like… Be honest. Many people either raise an eyebrow in interest over the fact that I am a Scorpio or they look with disgust at the revelation… What has been your experiences with Scorpios?

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Measuring Up...


As a teacher, I have had some funny moments in my classroom. From kids spelling corner curner to being called Kim Possible’s Naked Mole rat, on some days, the laughs just keep coming. But today simply took the cake. A student was in my class playing with a ruler while I was presenting a lecture on speech analysis. I walked over to the student, grabbed the ruler, and got the shock of my life. This was no regular ruler. This was a “Peter Meter.” With tape on the front, the ruler had drawn on dicks at several inches starting at five, which equaled lame on the “Peter Meter” and ended at 10, which equaled wow on the “Peter Meter.” Poor boy, I thought to myself. 12’s really do exist.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

These words are my own...


(In two weeks, I will turn 30 and I am taking sometime to excavate my life. In my reflections, I came to a realization that many of us come to in our lives.)

Faggot. Sissy. Queer. Gayblade. The words, and the pain behind them, can go on and on. Every time I heard these words, they felt like little daggers across my skin.

These words were not meant to kill, to cut too deeply; just to slice, draw a little blood, demean and push me further away from the kids who were normal.

These words, repeated enough, become a part of you. We wrap ourselves in rainbows, in slurs and words and images.

We become, slowly, who people tell us we are.

And when we become these people, we begin a fight that lasts, for many, our entire lives.

Some of us accept that we are abnormal, the most reviled of sinners, and these men spend the rest of their lives in shame and remorse. Some of them learn to relish the pain and the abuse, inflicted by others and by themselves. Some of us

It was when I was in second grade that school stopped being a place I wanted to go and became a place I dreaded.

On my bus, a kid from my neighborhood, called me a faggot. I had no idea what they word meant, but I realized it was not something anyone would want to be called.

While that was my first time being called a faggot, it was not the last.

On some days, around some kids, I thought this was my newly earned nickname.

It hurt sometimes, but most times it meant nothing to me. I did not care. My sense of self was so strong that most things were unable to phase me. I looked around at my peers and felt that in the end, somehow, things would be leveled out and that I would be the one looking down and casting judgment on them. And this was true.

A kid could call me all the faggots he knew, and I could call him stupid or dumb or mildly retarded right back.

If a kid mocked the way I talk, I mocked the way he read aloud in class. I became skilled at using words and my tongue for defense. This carried me threw elementary school and I earned the respect of my elementary school peers.

It was in fifth grade that the problem escalated. I was in Ms. Peeler’s fifth grade classroom. My mother had her as a teacher in middle school and I was excited for her to be my teacher.

On the first parent/teacher conference night, she told my mother she needed to find a husband so I would have a male role model in my life.

My mother had been hurt and I perceived this hurt to be my fault. It was something about me that had made my mother hurt. Had Mrs. Paul not made this insightful observation about what my mother needed, she would not have cried when she got in the car.

I started to shrink. I closed my mouth and sat in classes, saying as little as possible, wishing myself invisible, but some flames simply burn too bright.

Sammy Seales was one grade above me in middle school.

He told me to get my faggot ass back and that girls could not play. Other boys laughed, many of them my friends, and I was enraged. I walked up to him, in my cowboy boots (with my pants tucked inside them) and punched him in the face. I knew I was on a suicide mission. Sammy Seales was older, taller; he had muscles and hair in places I only daydreamed about and I knew he was going to kick my ass. And kick my ass he did.

I hated Sammy Seales from that day forward.

He was held back in tenth grade and we ended up in 11th grade English class together. He took a seat behind me and I spent the entire year in dread of what he might say. He never said anything derogatory to me. He was always nice and friendly and I wondered if he even remembered our fight from 7th grade.

Regardless of what he remembered, I never forgot.

Sammy Seales was killed at twenty and inside I felt relief. I felt relief because someone had done to him what he had done to a part of me. And that’s when I realized how much damage these words had done to me.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Hey Thirsty, it's your birthday!


Dear Thirsty,

Happy birthday.

Friendships, in the gay community, sustain us. When for some, family abandons us and lovers let us down, it is our friendships that we can count on.

As chronicled on this blog, I have numerous associates, but only a few true friends. I am fortunate that you are in my life.

I do not believe in randomness. I believe in fate. When you met Chris, it was meant for you to date him so you could meet Parker and we could become friends. I guess it was true friendship at first sight.

Thirsty. Seeker of love, friendship, and more than most people will ever have. You are passionate, ambitious, and more than anything else, worthy to have all you seek.

You are my friend. I love you and cherish the time we have spent together. I look forward to the memories to come. Happy birthday, lovely.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Check out Falltacular 2008!




It’s almost time for one of the biggest events of the year: Falltacular.

Falltacular started seven years ago as a celebration for my friend Shawn J. I have been fortunate enough to be apart of Falltacular for the past four years. I strongly recommend this great weekend. I was elated last Friday to find that Pimpmusique was coming on the retreat this year.

Check out the website. The event is really off the chain. If you are interested in going, email me about the slight chance that I can get you in at a discounted price.

http://www.falltacular.com/

Thursday, October 2, 2008

The incredibly long, awfully terrible, “sho nuff was” bad week


Sometimes life hands you a lemon and you just have a lemon.

My car cost $400 to repair.
My check was hundreds of dollars short.
My mom’s factory job has been scaled back to two days a week.

The car’s starter died and the battery and battery cables had to be replaced.

My principal actually promised me a stipend for a school obligation (that I received last year) and then decided to rescind the pay without rescinding the work obligation. And he knows that I will not drop the extra work because it involves kids who need my help.
When I received my check on Tuesday, I was short hundreds of dollars because of the lack of the aforementioned stipend. My principal is an evil sonofabitch.

My mom works in a glove factory in central Mississippi and has been there for twenty years. It is the only job she knows and she is leaning on her only son for help. I give what I have to her, freely. But with my check short over $300 expected dollars, I wonder how much extra I will continue to have?

This week sucked.

And I know, I know… someone’s car just broke down but they did not have the money for repairs.
And I know, I know… someone has lost his or her job.

I know, I know… I am blessed and thankful for what I have… make no mistake about it, but someone just got a brand new car and someone has a boss who appreciates them and rewards them with a raise.

But while someone is having a worse week, someone else is having a better one.
Someone just bought a new car (with cash).
Someone just got a raise for the work the do (from a boss who appreciates hard work).

Sometimes life hand you lemons, and you look around and there is no sugar to be found. You take the lemon and decide to make the best of it. You hold it, peel it… only to find that the little f*cker is rotten.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

This BFF of Mine...


Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you through a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.
-words by Andrew Gold

Double Dees has been my best friend since 2003. We meet back in 1999 through an old friend named Wayne while we were in undergrad. Double Dees moved to Atlanta a year after I did. I invited him to my 25th birthday party and after the party, we started hanging tight. Many people have rotated in and out of my life in the last five years (seven roommates, four boyfriends, countless acquaintances) but through it all, Double Dees has been a constant stay.

We fight about small things, just like an old married couple, but I know he knows me and understands me. He accepts me, flaws and all and I love him for that. His love is unconditional… Let me give you an example.

Background: Double Dees and Parker are not friends.

This Saturday, Chris (my old roommate, see first entry) had a party for his best friend in Roswell (45 minutes from my house). Parker and I, along with Double Dees and Seddy were going. Parker and I drove to Double Dees. When we got in his car, Double Dees’ seat was too far back on Parker and he had a generally rude attitude. I got an attitude back (do you know any Scorpios? If so, you know how emotive we can be…), said some things I truly regret, and got out of his car. Needless to say, we did not go to the party together.

Parker and I made the trip to Roswell sans Double Dees and Sed. I had a classic “Corey Moment” as Double Dees called it, where I overreacted and made an as@ of myself.

Well, after being at the party for twenty minutes, I go to my car, and it does not start. Parker is drunk and I am tipsy and my car fails to start. I ask Chris to borrow his car and he agrees but he wants me to bring the car back. Parker cannot drive me back (he’s drunk) so I call Uncle Mallory (who does not answer) and Thirsty (who has no gas due to the ATL gas shortage- he has a BMW and there is NO premium gas in the city) and realize that there is only one person I can count on to help me in such a bind and he’s the person I have always counted on to go with me places no one wants to go or give me money when I failed to manage my funds or to just make me laugh when my mess of a life is falling apart… Double Dees.

I know that he has to be at work at 9 the next morning and it is 2 in the morning. I KNOW I would not have answered my phone. But amazingly, he does. He answers, asks no questions, and agrees to trail me back to Roswell (45 minutes away) and to bring me home.

I was in tears the entire way to his house. Double Dees is the person I have taken for granted the most, who has done the most for me, and who has done for me what I probably would not have done for him and I was humbled beyond belief. Again, I am learning more about myself at this time in my life than I ever imagined.

And the car… I’ll update you on that soon…

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Transgender down...


Goodbye, Isis!

You broke records and I am sure that when you return to the ballroom scene, the kids will live for you. See you at the next Atlanta pride, doll.

P.S. You should have whipped out your dick and told Ms. Tyra to suck it!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Virgos are turning the corner...



On Friday night, my friend Jeremy celebrated his 30th birthday party. Another Virgo turns 30.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

You will always be my first love...


I think I should have started this many posts ago. Before any reader can understand my love for Parker, a study into the past is needed. And for me, love starts with Michael.

The first time I saw Michael, I was in the tenth grade, and he was in the seventh. I noticed him in the hallways and we held each other’s gaze. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

When he was in eighth grade, I knew who he was. He was Nona’s little brother, a wanna-be thug, running with an older crowd, a bad crowd. He was in and out of trouble, in and out of school. It was when he was in ninth and I was a senior that we had our first conversation. He was in chorus, a first tenor. He sat in the last chair. I was in chorus, a second tenor and I sat in the first chair. We sat close. Sometimes, too close. I knew that the same fires that burned in me burned in him. I chose to ignore the heat. He decided to touch it.

I was an athlete in high school. I played football and ran track. It was after football practice that I realized he was also in JROTC. He was my friend’s Nona’s little brother and he needed a ride home.

From that ride, we started hanging out. When the seniors went to the haunted house for Halloween, he was there. When I had my eighteenth birthday party, he was there. And when I –

Michael wanted me. I was what he desired. He had planned this pursuit. I was his prey and he was the answer to my prayers.

The first time we kissed, I melted into his mouth. The first time I shd, he melted into mine.

In many ways, in a short period of time, he became the biggest part of my day. I thought of him constantly and I tried to live in the memory of his lips against my skin- my lips, my neck, my back.

We engaged each other for four months before he told me that “this” was not what he wanted. He told me that he never wanted to kiss me again. And he didn’t. After four months, we stopped cold-turkey.

Today, he’s a married youth minister with two children.
--

When Michael told me he did not want “this,” I understood. I did not want “this” either. I wanted to be normal. I had tried to be normal my entire life. I tried out for the football team so I could be seen as a normal boy. I kept quite in most classes because I realized that the other students, and sometimes the teacher, did not understand what I was trying to say.

It was when he told me told me he did not want “this,” that I was forced to question if I wanted this. Suddenly, the burning that had made me different could be extinguished, or at least placed under a bush, and I had to decide if this was something that I wanted to do.

I thought, at eighteen, about the wedding I would never have and the children I would never rear and the family that would never understand and I realized that I did want this. That not only did I want this, but that this was a part of me.

Suddenly, this became an epiphany. There were no tears or pained realization that this was the course my life had taken.

This was something I wanted and finally had.

Today, there are no triangles, rainbows, or loud declarations. Only a self that is actualized and a mind that is finally free. This is a part of me, but not all of me, or even the biggest thing in my life. I am a Christian and black and educated and a lover and a brother and a son and a friend and a teacher and so many other things make up who I am and who I will be.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

...and a break up.


Parker and I are separated. It’s been two weeks since we came to the mutual decision to take some time apart and decide what we wanted to do about our relationship. And it has been two weeks of my being in denial about the situation.

I have not blogged about our “break-up” because I have been unwilling to accept that we have broken up. But we have. And accepting this has not been easy.

Today I went to church. I woke up and texted Fe Fe to see if he was going and when he did not reply, I went back to sleep. But I could not stay sleep. I knew that there was a message I needed to hear. And did I get an earful.

I am assuming Pastor Meredith saw Tyler Perry’s The Family That Preys over the weekend because his message was “And This Too Shall Pass” and he repeated the line… “Is that so…” Change happens in all of our lives and we have to accept it.

I am not good with change. I have never been. Usually when things change, when people leave or hurt me, I simply move forward. I go on as though it is not my fault that I have just lost another relationship, be it friend or lover. While everything around me may be different, I am always the same. But now I realize something that I have never realized before. I need to change. I need to change a lot of things about the person I am if I truly want a relationship to work and if I truly want to be happy…

And before I can change me, I have to accept me. And before I can work on the present, I have to accept the past. I guess I need to start at the beginning…

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

A birthday...


Douglas's party was OVAH the top and awesome. The food was great, the drinks were wonderful, the cake was fabulous, and most importantly, the crowd was cute. I really had a great time on Saturday... so much so that I didn't fully recover until today. Today is his actual birthday so let me tell you a little bit about Douglas…

1. He's handsome.
2. He's saditty.
3. He's intelligent.
4. He's fashionable.
5. He's my brotha… and I love him dearly.

Happy birthday, baby! (I am posting your picture on this blog, girl…hope its no tea…

Friday, September 5, 2008

They Tranquilized My Sister...


They Tranquilized My Sister…
Double Dees is my best friend and he recently had appendicitis. While he is fine now, after a successful surgery, I came to a serious realization.

While Double Dees was in the hospital, recovering, I had no idea who to contact in the event that something more serious would have happened.

As same gender loving black men, we rarely share our family information. It is imperative that we know our friends and that we know their family (at least their closest kin’s contact information).

Happy Birthday Douglas…
This weekend is Douglas’s big 3-0. The First Family of Atlanta is hosting a party for him at the balcony of The Wetbar. While talking to Douglas, we both came to a realization about the looming 30’s. It is appropriate for some things to change when the 20’s past us by. A 30 year-old man in a fitted is just not as cute as it used to be… We need a book on what’s hot and what’s not for a man in the 30’s. And from going to Bulldogs on Thursday, so do most of Atlanta.

Come out to the party… It really will be off the chain… 960 Spring St NW
Atlanta, GA 30309.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Dear... (A weekend in Review....)


Dear Blaq,
I am really glad you came to the ATL and looked me up. I hope I showed you a great time because you really showed me one. I had a blast walking the parking lot and looking at all the hot “back-pack” boys in the 708 parking lot. I am craving another mojito from California Pizza Kitchen. I am still laughing at all the funny sh*t you said at Club Europe. Again, I really enjoyed the pleasure of your company. The next time you come to the ATL, you better hit me up! As a matter of fact, I expect you to stay in touch, period, Dammit.
P.S. Glad you got laid (just kidding... right?)

Dear Dwain,
When you host a party, you must be gracious to your guests. Calling people bitches and mutherfuckers is not nice. Allowing your cousin or housekeeper to do the same is also rude. And running out of ice is just not cute.

Dear Uncle Fe,
You know them was not your chips (pardon the ebonics, hun...).

Dear Turn Me Up a Lil,
You are an awesome guy and so is your friend. I cannot wait until you both move to the ATL. It really is amazing how you tend to fall into things… You really have no idea… I am so vested in your experiences already. And you are actually hotter in person than your cute blog pics portray.

Dear Traxx, Trademark, Extreme Entertainment, Wassup in the ATL,
It really sucks for people who come to Atlanta expecting a good time to be over charged for a couple of hours in a hot box. After the weekend, I felt like Oedipus and King Lear, gouged to the point of blindness.

Dear Man taking my money at Club Europe,
It was real F-ed up how the guy just in front of me paid $40 for VIP while you told me to pay $50. You as$hole. If I ever see you at a function I am affiliated with, I am going to kick you’re a$s out of the door. B*tch.

Dear B-free,
Great barbecue! As always, I am glad you invited me, even if it was the beginning of my decent into drunkenness. And about that boy… screw him. We both know that you are the real deal and that you can do so much better.

Dear Douglas,
I cannot believe you let me get THAT drunk on Sunday night. I know I should have stopped after the fourth rum and coke but with this recession, you never know when the next drink will come. And I cannot believe I went to the Chanel Ball with you. What kind of new fangled sh#t was that? The kids told me back when we dated that you would have me in some low places (just kidding). So now that I have gone to my first ball, I am truly, fully, undoubtedly one of the gays. And I blame you for that.
P.S. And about Thirsty…

Dear Friend of Parker that I Repeatedly Poked on Sunday,
I don’t know you by name but I am truly, fully, undoubtedly sorry for repeatedly poking you on Sunday. I don’t remember doing it because I was drunk, but if you say I did it, I don’t doubt it. I am sorry. I will not poke you (unless I am single and you ask me to) again.


Dear Double Dees,
Sucked that you missed the entire weekend due to surgery. Hope you feel better. And put them chicken wings and doughnuts down.

Dear Bloggers,
Clearly this was a great weekend and I really hate some of you missed it. Oh well. Sucks for you. Good thing that there is always next year.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

If you see me in the streets, shawty...


While yet another Black Gay Pride weekend dawns, excitement (and cocks) rise.

This weekend is one of the busiest and most festive in ATL. I have finalized my itinerary and am happy to share.

On Friday, some friends are coming from out of town and we will probably have dinner at Chow Baby and hit up the Trademark.

Starting tomorrow, the Decatur book festival will be held (http://www.decaturbookfestival.com/2008/index.php). It is an amazing weekend of writers. I will be present to hear Pearl Cleage speak on Saturday, starting at 1:45. I plan to stick around until 5:30 to see Eric Jerome Dickey, Marissa Monteilh, and Fiona Zedde.

After the festival, I, like most, will be at Lenox Mall enjoying my fill of eye-candy. Both of these events, by the way, are free!

Saturday night I will be at Dwain’s Labor Day Birthday Bash. The party starts at 10. Email for information.

On Sunday, after sleeping in, I plan to hit the Grant Park Festival’s Corks and Forks (www.summershade.org). This is an annual event that always delivers a great time. It’s also free!

After Corks and Forks, I plan to hit Chris Johnson’s annual Labor Day party.

On Monday, I plan to sleep in, read E. Lynn Harris’s new book, and eat Parker all day long.

Hope to see you around.

If you see me in the streets, shawty, you don’t know me… but hell, honey, holla anyway.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

ATL Black Gay Pride...


Black Gay Pride, in every city, is really just an excuse for clubs and club promoters to make an exorbitant amount of money from visitors who come to our fair cities. The clubs jack prices up by ten dollars or offer package deals. Typically packages are offered by the spots that lack a dominion over a particular night.

Several clubs and promoters are offering packages (expensive and unnecessary), but I have included links…

If you want to know what will really be popping, I have included information:

Thursday- Everyone will be at Bulldogs, early. Get there by 9 if you want to get in.
(893 Peachtree St. NE - Atlanta, GA 30308).

If you like strippers or are just plain nasty with it, go to Phase One (4933 Memorial Dr
Decatur, GA 30032). The party will start around 11:30.

Friday, everyone will be at Trademark, which is the old Palace (for you girls from way back in the day…) (91 Broad St. Atlanta, GA 30303).


Saturday, EVERYONE will be at Traxx, (1287 Columbia Drive, Decatur, Georgia 30034) which is now located off Memorial Drive and Columbia, in the heart of the hood.

House Party Alert: Dwain Tharpe’s annual soiree… always packed!

Sunday, everyone will be at Piedmont Park, first, Djangos second, and end their night at Chapparall or at the hotel with their jump off…

House Party Alert: Chris Johnson’s Labor Day bash… always overly packed!

It’s simple really. Get there early, already drunk, and you’ll have a great time…

See also: http://www.inthelifeatl.com/bars/schedule .

Friday, August 22, 2008

What's been going on in this meantime...

A week has come and gone.

Things are going better with Parker and I… we are both making an effort to make our home harmonious… He made cookies and cleaned up… I made dinner and brought underwear.

I wanted to give everyone the update. This week has been hectic with work, but I have some posts in the work… We all know what happens next week in the ATL… black gay pride…

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Unbreakable...


You gotta stay tuned
Cuz there's more to see
Through the technical difficulties.
We might have to take a break
But ya'll know we'll be back next week..
This love is unbreakable...
Oh yeah yeah...

-Lyrics from "Unbreakable" by Alicia Keys...

It’s not easy loving my man, but I do and I don’t think I can stop.

I really thought a lot about the great advice posted in my recent posts detailing the ongoing problems Parker and I address. I am so thankful to all of my fellow bloggers. The wisdom and perspectives add so much to my understanding and awareness of not only my relationship, but most importantly myself. One Man asked me why I am in this relationship and I realized that the question required a lot of thought and a lot of consideration. I am in a relationship with Parker because I love him- truly, madly, deeply- simply.

Breaking up is not an option. It is probably a thought that has crossed both of our minds. I have loved before… and I have given up before. I will not do it again. If this relationship ends it will be because Parker leaves me.

A relationship takes work and a constant commitment. It is hard. Having this blog helps me collect my thoughts and myself.

If there is love, there is hope. And it is my hope that one day, decades away, Parker and I can sit on a veranda, Washington apples in hand, and laugh at the fight over a cat’s room and the sword fights we had in bed and share with younger couples our secrets of success.

I believe with my whole heart that every relationship will bring great difficulty. The key is making it work and not giving up- no matter the difficulties that arise.

My love, like my commitment, is old school. I don’t believe in ending. I do believe in hard work and as we all know that is what it takes to make a relationship work.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Is that the best we could do?


So I can’t sleep, it’s Tuesday night, and I am watching the Olympics. The girl gymnaist are competing (I know, don’t judge me) and I am appalled at their uniforms.

I was watching poor Alicia Sacramone hit the floor and at first I thought it was funny because I thought she was Russian. With the hideous outfits they are wearing, how could they be anything but?

Alicia did give it her all and I am proud of all these kids...

God bless the USA and Shawn Johnson.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Corey and Parker made up but there are storm clouds loom...


Yes, all is well that ends well. I made it back to Atlanta on Friday and we sat down and talked over our problems. We made up and had a great weekend. We caught a movie on Friday (Dark Knight- I saw it, Parker had not… I loved it even more the second time, Parker did not), went to party on Saturday, ate well (Pappaduex brunch), shopped, and went swimming on Sunday. It was a good weekend after a rough week.

Reflecting on the week of not speaking, I spoke with our mutual friend Jay about our situation. As Parker and I have had fight after fight about the small things, Jay asked if our moving together is the reason we are fighting.

Um.. no. The problems we are having now are problems we were having before he moved in. Stubborn is as stubborn does.

Jay then asked if the problems we were having were because both of our preferred roles is top.

Um.. maybe. Jay made a great point. Someone has to give and in most cases involving Parker and me, (like all of them) no one seems willing to back down.

What do you guys think about… all comments are appreciated. Please be honest and keep it real…

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Corey does Dallas...


I have been in Dallas for two days, and still Parker has not accepted any of my calls. I am really pissed off. And hurt.

I am here for work training and it is horrible- worse than I expected. It is a struggle to stay awake. The entire training could have occurred in one day. I had what I needed in one day- the three remaining days are pointless.

Last night I went to Zippers with Joe. Zippers is a small gay bar. It’s the Tuesday night spot. The drinks were cheap and great. Zippers even has strippers, but they are not so great. They are all white and unpropotionatedly muscular.

Imagine a pasty looking white guy, dancing this heart out (but not his ass off, um, cause there was no ass) on a black box. He was moving and gyrating to something, but it was not to a beat that I could hear. I had no idea what he was hearing, but it was not to the beat. Don’t think it can get any worse? Now imagine him in nothing but a teal green thong.

When a hip hop song came on, the dancers would do their best impersonation of a black person. They would throw hands in the air, pout their lips, and give their best b-boy stance.

Someone needs to unzip Zippers and put this place out of its misery.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Corey Loves Dallas...

Dallas is a nice break from Atlanta. I love my hotel. My room is large and spacious and deliciously comfortable.

Despite the trip being work related, I plan to thoroughly enjoy a break from my work, my home, and the drama of my relationship.

I called Parker and texted him and he ignored the calls and texted back simple responses. Oh well. I am in Dallas for a week and I plan to enjoy the experience.

Joe now lives in Dallas. Joe, if you don’t recall, was my roommate, who lied about the cable bill, and then moved to Orlando, used to live in Dallas before living in Atlanta. Now, he’s back in Dallas and he has promised to show me a good time.

Well, after the last couple of months, let the good times roll.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Parker and I are not speaking...


The smallest problems can lead to the biggest arguments.

Saturday, Parker spent the day with his friends and I spent the day with my friends. When we finally spent some time together, we just did not seem to rub each other the right way.

The argument was my fault. I started it. I flew off the handle about the door being closed to the cat’s room (I know, I know… my cat has his own room), and he flew off right back. The argument ended with him telling me to find my own damn ride to the airport.

And I did.

We have not spoken since Saturday night.

I am out of town for a week.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Atlanta is Burning…


The Atlanta I moved to is not the Atlanta I live in.

I visited Atlanta during the hey-day for Hotlanta. There was Club Fusion (off Amsterdamn) and the Legendary Traxx (located off Luckie Street). Both clubs were two floors and had different types of music playing on both levels. There was Loretta’s on Spring Street and the Palace on Sundays. And for the older girls, we had Bulldogs.

But all good things must come to an end. Loretta’s closed and re-opened as 708 (for teeny-boppers and those who love them) and the Palace closed altogether. But, for the older girls, Bulldogs remained.

When I moved to Atlanta, as the hey-day began to wane, a new wave of clubs had already taken over. We had Colours on Fridays, Legendary Traxx (a twenty-year institution) on Saturday at their new Atlanta Live location, and the Lions Den on Sunday. And for the older girls, we had Bulldogs.

But again, all good things must come to an end. Colours and The Lion’s Den have gone the way of Loretta’s and the Palace. Legendary Traxx does not seem so legendary now as it has moved twice in five years. Currently located in the heart of the hood, where it is not all good, the new Memorial Drive/Covington Highway (DECATUR) location had not caught on with a lot of club-goers. But, for the older girls, Bulldogs remained.

We do have D’Jango’s, a hot box, on Sunday and we have Trademark, a hot box, on Fridays. And on Saturday, we have an entertainment black hole. No venue exists for clubbing on Saturdays. And for the old girls, we have Bulldogs.

Hotlanta has been extinguished. Girls, Atlanta is extinguished. Now we live in the A-T-L and damn it, it’s just not the same.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

My Life, from A to Z...


A is for your age:
29- Hey, I got a few months left before I become an official thirtysomething…

B is for your burger of choice:
Wendy’s Stack Attacks are good, but my favorite burger is Thumb’s Up’s The Burger, add cheese.

C is for the car that you drive:
A pick-up truck… Honestly… A Titan.

D is for dog’s name:
My old roommate, Chris had a dog named, Bella. Ew. She looked like a damn Bella.

E is for an essential item you use each day:
Toilet. Ah.. sweet relief.

F is for your favorite television show:
Big Love

G is for favorite game:
Hide n Go Get!

H is for hometown:
Meridian, Mississippi

I is for instruments played:
Piano- for like a week. Don’t tell me how to hold my damn hands! This swishy wristy belongs to me, guh!

J is for favorite juice:
Cranberry- with vodka

K is for what you’d like to kick:
Sweets. I gotta break this bad habit… (Destiny’s Child)

L is for last restaurant you dined at:
Joe’s on Juniper- a cool ATL hang-out with reasonable drinks for the girls…

M is for your favorite Muppet:
Miss Piggy… Alas, I understand your longing for a man you cannot have.

N is for number of piercings you have:
Two. Both ears…

O is for overnight hospital stays:
One. I had a hernia.
P is for people you were with today:
Just Double Dees and Parker

Q is for what you do in quiet times:
Sleep

R is for regrets:
Damn, there is not enough room…

S is for status:
ON LOCK DOWN!

T is for time you woke up today:
3:00 p.m.

U is for what you consider unique:
People who love getting fisted… or people who use a sound… unique I’d say…

V is for favorite vegetable:
Salad. Tossed salad, that is…

W is for your worst habit:
Eating… Damn it!

X is for x-rays you have had:
None.

Y is for yummy food you ate today:
Marble Slab’s lemon ice cream

Z is for zodiac sign:
Scorpio

And now its your turn on your blog...

Monday, July 28, 2008

Some more answers...


Turn me up a lil wants to know:
Why will you forever love Atlanta?

Atlanta is an amazing city as both visitors and residents alike will agree. Where else in America can you go and find people who look like me and love like me and are able to express themselves and their love with reckless abandon? I love it. I actually have a blog in progress giving you 26 reasons why I love Atlanta.

Do you still masturbate even though you're involved with someone?
Yes. We both do, and often we do it together.

What are your goals for the rest of 2008?
1. Continue working on a book I am authoring/editing with two fellow bloggers.
2. Make significant progress on my dissertation.
3. Strengthen my partnership with Parker.
4. Continue my physical diet and my debt diet.

C. Baptiste Williams wants to know
How long will you run from Parker's parents?

When Parker comes out to his parents and they have time to deal with it, I will be happy to re-introduce myself.

Does the overt gayness of Tabernacle ever bother you?
I have grown to truly appreciate Tabernacle Baptist Church. I go to church to grow spiritually, not to judge or be judged. If you go to Tabernacle with a mind for Christ and for the word, you will not notice any “overt gayness.” I did at first, mind you, but I grew beyond that.


Why do you have a damn cat?
I wrote about Aristotle last year. He was a gift from my ex, Tim. In a way, I think he was Tim’s way of saying I would be alone- just an old spinster with a cat.

Q wants to know:
Miley Cyrus or Jamie Lynn Spears?

Jamie Lynn Spears, all the way!

Fuzzy wants to know
Why or how did you become a blogger?

I became a blogger after reading the 2006 Person of the Year Issue of Time Magazine, which proclaimed that YOU were the person of the year. BLogging had made a significant impact on the world, and I wanted to contribute. During the same week, Southern Voice Magazine (SoVo), which caters to gay men and women, profiled the best gay blogs in Atlanta and featured His Story 2 as the blog of the year. I read the blog, loved it, and the rest became history.

What would you consider your biggest downfall, why?
I am a sucka for love… D-Woods crooned it best. I overindulge. I eat too much, spend too much, and love too much.

If you were to die 5 min from now, and had to give one last piece of wisdom to the world, what would it be?
The only opinion of you that ever mattered is the opinion you have of yourself. You are what you perceive yourself to be

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Some answers...


4gotten asks:
1. Who or what has had the biggest impact on your life and how?
Growing up in the rural south, I have had a lot of people provide a significant impact on my life, but the greatest impact would be a professor I had in college. The instructor was actually over the orientation program at my college and was in the division of student affairs. I was selected as an orientation leader and worked with him personally. He is an amazing human. He is always positive and optimistic, at least in front of us, and that really had an impact on me. At points in our two years together, I know he was going through some hardships with family and work. And from that I learned that regardless of what is happening in my life, I must learn to keep things in perspective and hold to the resounding truth of my resillance. I really can make it through the darkest night.
2. What is the one thing you want to do but haven't gotten around to doing yet?(in any aspect of your life)
Oh dear. I am working on a dissertation and I have yet to complete it. Hmmm. It is a major disappointment for me. I should have finished last year and I shelved it. When a good friend/classmate stopped writing, so did I.
3. Do you believe you can have or will make a difference in this world.(how or why) I know I make a difference in the world. I am a teacher and a friend to my friends. I know that people’s lives are impacted from what I try to bring into their lives.

Darius T. Williams wants to know…
1. How are the new living arrangements?

Darius, things are a rollercoaster, but in a good way. Parker and I fight constantly and love constantly. I have no regrets thus far. We are slowly ironing out lil kinks in the fabric.
2. What have you learned ALREADY that you didn't know before the living arrangements changed?
I have learned that we both suck at housekeeping. I have a good friend who owns a housekeeping business, but I thought I would get to save money each month by having help from Parker. Clearly, that is not the case. He just left this morning.
3. Did you make that damn smothered chicken for the boy yet? A word about that chicken.
Growing up, I never had smothered chicken. I need the recipe, with specific instructions, and I will make it and post photos. I did make a great gospel CD, however, in large part thanks to Fuzzy.

Young, Black, and DL wants to know...
1. Do you have a fetish with fetishes?
I am a Scorpio. What else can I say? Simply put, yes.
2. By being in a shackn' up relationship, do you have to have sex every night?... I mean is it expected?
We don’t have “sex” every night or every week. We don’t bust every night, but most nights we do. It’s not expected, though. I don’t think.
3. Have you and Parker ever had a threesome, and if not, would you? Oh shit… Well, we are both in favor of threesomes as a concept… Um, I don’t know how much more I am allowed to say about that…

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

So tell me... what do you want to know?


It’s Wednesday! Go ahead and ask me anything… I will (taking a note from beloved blogger BulletProofSoul) answer three questions per visitor (up to twenty one questions) and post answers on Friday!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Meet the Parents II: Meet the Parkers!

So of course I met Parker’s parents. I was not going to. I had no intentions of meeting them and Parker was fine with this. He knows how harsh his parents can be. But I had to know, for myself, what this family was like.

His dad is handsome, an elected official (that’s all I’m allowed to say) and his mom is also very pretty… regally so. She’s tall, fair skinned, beautiful hair. And his sister looks like his mom.

When they arrived, I was in my room. Parker greeted them, told them they could sit down. I came out of our bedroom (the master suite is on the main floor) and said hello (my voice deeper, my walk swaggered a bit). All smiled.

I walked out the front door and I did not come home until Parker texted to say everyone was gone.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Meet the parents... um... No!


Parker’s parents are coming to visit from North Carolina for a week and I am horrified.

To imagine what the people who raised this rigid man must be like has actually caused nightmares.

I do not plan to be home when they come to the house. They do not know me or about me and I agree that we should keep it that way.

My mother supports my choices- she was not given a choice. She speaks to Parker when she calls and is always polite. She even agrees to respect my wishes for my estate if I die an untimely death.

I wish all parents could be as accepting.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

What do you think about this?



On the cover of this week’s New Yorker, Barak Obama and his wife Michelle are portrayed as Islamic fundamentalist enjoying a victorious taking over of America. Editor David Remnick views this as satire. Numerous Obama supporters are angry. What do you think of this recent controversy? Is this simple satire or do you think it is a deliberate attempt to feed into the hysteria and lies being perpetuated by the Republican/Conservative press? Or something else entirely?

Jesse Jackson said he would cut Obama’s balls off if he didn’t stop talking down to black America. Is Obama being constructive to the black community by condemning the issues that affect black people in America or is he being destructive and self-serving by saying the things many think white conservative Americans want to hear?

Drunk Amy Winehouse called Kanye West a cunt during a show in London. Before Jay-Z performed, she asked the crowd, “Are there any black people in the crowd?” She then went on to praise Jay-Z, saying “The man has got bollocks to come here, and play the tunes you don't even know you remember. Imagine if it was a cunt like Kanye West. 'Cunts Like Kanye' - that should be his next album title." Be mindful that just last month a video leaked showing Drunk Amy singing ” Blacks, Pakis, Gooks and Nips. And deaf and dumb and blind and gay!" What do you guys thinks about Amy Winehouse? Are you still willing to support her?

I had no idea that Raz B (of B2K) was alleging that Chris Stokes sexually molested him. The swagger issue of Vibe magazine (Usher cover) did a great article on the allegations. Do you think the allegations against Chris Stokes are true?

The economy is getting worse. June was the cruelest month and according to Tuesday’s New York Times, a rebound is unlikely to happen until late 2009. Unemployment continually rises and housing values continue to fall. Does anyone else think we are all screwed and should be hoarding money?

The economy sucks. Parker and his friends and I and my friends were supposed to go whitewater rafting this weekend, but because of high gas prices and inflation, we are going to just stay in Atlanta and get drunk… Washington Apples for everyone! Um, am I the only person not able to take a vacation this summer?

Monday, July 14, 2008

Speak, Pastor... Speak!

“You have to put yourself behind yourself in a relationship.”

I love my church. I cannot believe I have come to admit this, but Tabernacle Baptist Church is an amazing church home.

On Sunday, my pastor spoke about the true meaning of two of the beatitudes regarding mercy and a pure heart from Matthew’s recollection of the Sermon on the Mount (but it might have been a sermon on a plain as stated in Luke).

He emphasized that in order to obtain God’s mercy, we must be merciful to our fellow man. He stressed forgiveness and the offering of help and love when neither is deserved. Meredith explained that God shows us mercy when we have done things to warrant his wrath. God shows us grace by allowing us the lives we don’t deserve.

Next, Meredith emphasized the meaning of a pure heart, which is needed to see God. He spoke on the things that dirty and sullen our heart- the most detrimental being ego.

Yipes.

Meredith said ego holds us back and makes us self-seeking and self serving in our relationships. He said ego makes us give and expect something in return. He said ego makes us please our partners only so we can be pleased in return.

He then said in order for us to truly have a pure heart, we must act out of love and not ego. He said we must learn to put ourselves last and our lovers first, neither expecting nor hoping for reciprocity.

It seems like Meredith had just the word I needed to hear. I came home and made Sunday dinner for my man.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Parker loves playing with my cat...


A constant point of contention for Parker and I has been Aristotle, the cat.

Um, a word about this cat of mine. I never wanted a cat. I hate animals. Aristotle was a gift, a read, from my ex- Tim.

Aristotle fits his name. He's a slight snide.

He glides around the house like he owns it.

He is prone to bursts of cuteness when he wants something (food that I am eating, usually) and he is able to give face on the drop of a dime.

But oh, cats, by nature, can be quite fickle and persnickety. Whenever I feel and urge towards kindness and go to pet this pussy, he runs. Whenever I am lounging, with no inclination towards stroking my pussy, he jumps on me and purrs for affection. I tired of his emotional rollercoaster years ago (it's been three years if you want to know).

Parker, however, adores this cat. He talks to him, pets him, and even puts the cat in the bed (my side of the bed, if you must know). It infuriates me. Now, Aristotle basically lives in Parker's lap. Disgusting.

I, however, have a little plan for Ms. Aristotle. Since he is so enamored with Parker, why not let Parker feed him or empty his litter box. Hmmph. Let's see Parker show some monetary affection towards this finicky feline. Ms. Aristotle will make it a month, at best, before he's crawling around the house looking quite Aushwitzy (no shade, holocaust survivors. Some of my best friends are jewish…)

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

A drag queen saved my life (and my relationship)


Tonight, we finally made up.

After a weekend of anger, suspicions, and accusations, Parker agreed to go to the Monday Night Variety Show at the Jungle starring the Atlanta Stars of the Century.

While Necole Luv Dupree lip-synced and shimmed to Jennifer Hudson's spotligh, I reached over and took Parker’s hand. He loves that song and he could not help but smile.

When the rock socking Raquel Lord “performed” a melody of Rhianna hits, going from a formal gown to bare ass naked, we both laughed. I knew then that he had finally cracked.

Tonight was nice. After we came home, we made love and plan to sleep close. I hope all is well that cums well.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Three things about America...


Yesterday’s Oprah was surprisingly interesting. Her topic was “What I love about America.” Teddy bears, band aids, and hot dogs are all staples of Oprah’s America. As we celebrate our nation’s independence, what are three things you love and three things you hate about our country?

Three things I love about America:
Freedom of Speech- Only in America can a man wear a shirt portraying the first black man that will win the U.S. presidency as monkey. And it’s okay. We all have a right to think and feel as we do. In America, not only do we have a right to an opinion, but we have a right to express that opinion.

Red, White, and Blue- I love these colors together. And I love Ralph Lauren for making so many great clothes that accentuate the classic look.

American Literature- Many of my fellow English majors loved that British literature, garbage, but I hated Brit Lit. I got into some Russian authors, some French, but give me American any day of the week. Gatsby’s dream or Hester’s shame… American literature speaks to my struggles and my life.

Three Things I Hate About America:

Ban on Gay Marriage- Only in America, the land of the free, would some citizens be denied basic human rights. It happened to blacks for over a century and it is still happening to same-sex partnerships. Sexy-hot blogger Promiscuous X restarted the discussion and here are some thoughts I shared with him. Gay marriage is not about making anyone accept our lifestyle choices. Instead, the fight for gay marriage is really simple- I have the right to decide who should make my life decisions with me. From buying home, investing in shared stocks, or what will happen with my remains after death, I have the right to have my same-sex partner make those decisions with or for me.

I love Parker. If I was in a critical accident tomorrow, he would not even be able to visit me. If I died, he would get kicked out of our home and my family could possibly not even include him in funeral plans and arrangements. That is just one scenario. What if this happens fifteen years down the road? Or thirty?

Gay marriage is not about acceptance, some “I’m here, I’m queer” bullshit. It is about civil rights that we deserve as Americans who pay taxes and pay into retirement funds and social security. What happens to my retirement money when I die before my partner? It’s my money, but it will not go to the man I share my life with and that is a problem. That is the biggest reason I hate America.

George Bush’s Reign of Idocity- This moron steals the presidency and then runs-amok for eight years, destroying our economy, the Middle East, and our international reputation in the process. I hate George Bush. And because WE made his reign possible, I hate America.

Fox News- While I fully support and value free speech, I hate the Fox News network and everyone associated with Fox News. From their incorrect portrayals of Obama, to their constant push to reconstruct American history of government, the Fox News Network helped Bush win election and helped him blind the American people to the truth regarding the war in Iraq. I hate Fox News and because a large portion of Americans watched that garbage, I hate America.

Monday, June 30, 2008

If you just realized what I just realized...


Ouch. Small mistakes can lead to the biggest problems.

Things with Parker have been going really well. I was amazed at the smooth transition we were experiencing. We’ve had relatively few disagreements, and we rarely ever argue… or at least that was our course until this most recent weekend.

Flashback: Darnell is the first guy I ever made love to and the first guy I ever dated. Imagine me- twenty one, pledging a fraternity, and getting the shit whacked out of me. Darnell was my big brother, my support. I used my rock for a little more than leaning. Never mind the fact that he was engaged to the mother of his three children and seeing another guy on the low… Needless to say we made it work for almost a year. In that year, we fell in love, shared a wonderful learning experience, realized we’d be better off as friends, and eventually, moved on.

Flash Forward: Darnell’s job transferred him to Atlanta in March. In that time, I have tried to be super supportive. I realize how hard it is for someone to be placed in a city that is not of their choice and I also realize how hard it is when that city is Atlanta. Darnell is not an introvert. I have tried to work him into my social group and help him meet some quality friends.

Parker has not been super supportive of my supporting Darnell. I am friends with all of my exes and that is something with which Parker does not always agree.

On Friday night, Parker spent the evening with his friends. Great, I thought to myself. I think it is essential that we give each other space and breathing room. He went clubbing, had some drinks, and spent the night with his best friend, Thomas.

I took the evening as a chance to catch up with Darnell, a hot new guy he was dating, and Double Dees (my best friend, who Parker does not really vibe). The four of us went out to eat, came back to our house, and had some Washington Apples (the best drink ever). Double Dees ended up leaving, I fell asleep, and Darnell and his boy were left up on the couch.

Saturday morning, Parker comes home to find shoes and fitted caps, glasses and bottles all over the house. He storms in our bedroom, looks around, slams the door, and heads upstairs. He goes in his room and finds Ollie lying, fully clothed, across his bed and he is livid.

Darnell ended up leaving earlier that morning because an old flame was coming into town. It appears that is why he wanted me to host this small gathering at my house. A shame. It also appears a leopard rarely changes his spots.

Of course, this looked very suspicious to Parker. We’ve argued all weekend. Again, I am thinking this is a very small matter and I am wondering why he’s acting so insecure. Sigh. The mess that is my life just got a little more complicated.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Denying the Chosen History


The Black homosexual is hard pressed to gain audience among his heterosexual brothers; even if he is more talented, he is inhibited by his silence or his admissions. This is what the race has depended on in being able to erase homosexuality from our recorded history. The "chosen" history. But these sacred constructions of silence are futile exercises in denial. We will not go away with our issues of sexuality. We are coming home.
--Essex Hemphill


Across the nation, the month of June is celebrated as gay pride month. In honor of this national celebration, I too sing myself and celebrate myself.

Throughout the course of history, a number of well known black people have embraced their sexuality, bravely and openly. Many of us know about Langston Hughes and Zora Neale Hurston. We proudly recognize the voice they gave to so many of us. But how many of us know that Barbara Jordon, the first southern black female to be elected to the house of representatives was gay or that white house architect Benjamin Banneker was gay? It is rumored that singer and dancer Josephine Baker had numerous same-sex lovers and that Harlem Renaissance poet Countee Cullen left his wife two weeks after marriage for his best man.

Today, numerous black celebrities are rumored to be gay. What impact would it have on the black community if, finally, a celebrity at the height of their career as either a professional athlete or entertainer came out of the closet and proudly embraced their homosexuality? What if Terrell Owens or Alicia Keys came out? What would that do for the black community?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Um.. They Needed a Beyonce Moment



A Real Time look at Tuesday night’s BET awards-

Lip syncing is a such a cop out… Ms. Usher, we all expected so much more, honey.
We see married life with Tameka and her strap-on agrees with him, huh. He’s gained a little weight. And so has Alicia Keys. Did they both go and eat “My Boo” for dinner?

D.L. Hugely has never been funny. Why is he hosting anything? He’s a washed up, Chris Rock wanna-be who never quite made it. Didn’t BET learn from the debacle that was Damon Wayans?

Mmm… was that a fupa (http://fupahunter.blogspot.com) I saw on Keisha Cole?

Ne-Yo did excellent, even if he did bite A Phi A.

Umm… why were so many artist missing? Missy, Kobe, Dream…
It’s not like Dream will ever receive another award in his life so he really should have been there to accept his little statuette.

I screamed when I saw en-vogue, with Dawn Robinson! And Miss Maxwell came back, even if no one remembers who he is in the 21st century. Ne-Yo remembers, however, as the camera passed by, and he licked his lips ever so thirstily… hmm…

Some other great blogs about the BET awards…
www.boyforwords.blogspot.com
http://canuimagineme.blogspot.com
http://thecynicalones.blogspot.com (scroll down- it’s the second blog from the top)