Monday, December 10, 2007

The Great Gatsby is alive and well

In F. Scott Fitzgerald’s 1925 classic, The Great Gatsby, Nick Carraway, the disillusioned narrator states, "There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams — no through her own fault but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion…" After attending the grandest party of 2007, I realize I may have done in my haste for love exactly what Gatsby did in his quest to win Daisy’s love.

On Saturday, Brock and Zolton hosted one of the best parties of the year.

Brock and Zolton are gay black Atlanta socialites who embody the American dream. Close friends of Uncle Mallory’s lover, Michael, I was fortunate to bond with both Brock and Zolton in mountains. Married eight years, both men are professionals and investors and they live in a beautiful home south of Atlanta.

The sprawling home was ornately decorated for the Christmas party. With four fully decorated Christmas trees, a full bar, an impressive gym (that included a sauna and Jacuzzi), I was floored at the home and the life the two men have built together. Eight years apart in age, I felt an immediate connection and wanted Parker to attend the party. I was impressed and I knew Parker would be equally impressed.

Parker spent the day with his family, who came up to shop from South Georgia. I could not wait for Parker to arrive at the party. When he finally arrived, he looked less than enthused. As I gave him a tour of the home, he carried himself in a lethargic manner. I asked him if he could see us living in such an extravagant home and he told me he could not see that far into the future. It made me realize that there may be no future for us.

As much as I love Parker and as much as he claims he loves me, I am not foolish enough to think that this relationship could not end on a moment’s notice.

I actually decided to commit to Parker at my birthday party. Every time he met someone, he introduced himself as Parker, Corey’s boyfriend. This was a huge step for him and it made a huge difference to me. I realize now that perhaps, like Gatsby, I allowed myself to get carried away with a dream.

As Emily Dickinson said, “Hope is the thing with feathers, That perches in the soul, And sings the tune--without the words, And never stops at all…” My hope is that this will last, but again, my hope may prove as fleeting as a twenty year old’s love.


bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

You know, Parker's statement is not too surprising to me. Many young people are far too short sighted to really understand the inner workings of the world. It's not that they are inept, it's just that their focus is moreso on the here and now. I was sort of the same way. Many people don't really come into their own until mid 20's heading towards 30. All of a sudden you begin to focus more. I think the question you posed to Parker was slightly overwhelming for him because at his age, he's just trying to 'make it' as apposed to 'making it'...there is a difference. In one sense you're struggling trying to survive while the latter makes reference to you making things work in your favor. Take each day one day at a time...step by step.


BronzeBuckaroo said...

Brock and Zolton:
Your comment about Brock and Zolton made a huge difference, a glorious difference, to brothers wanting to know that there are long-term, committed, black gay couples among "us." It certainly put a smile on my face.

Parker's countenance that day could have been the result of being with his family those hours. Never underestimate the good or bad voodoo a day with the family can cast upon one. At lease, this is one way to look at it.

Another way. At your party, the fact that he introduced himself to others as your boyfriend speaks volumes. He loves you!! He has been in your life this long because of these sincere feelings. Your generosity and affections for him are reciprocated in his every word and action. So, don't let any fairy tale get in the way of your reality with him.

His comment to you could just be a sign of a maturity wanting to take one day at a time. I don't put much stock in chronological age. Because of my own life experiences, I've always been what seems like a hundred years older than my years and my peers. Parker is probably 100 yrs older as well. There are brothers 160 yrs old with the maturity level of an pubescent adolescent. The next day is alsways taken for granted by them. Your Parker, because he appears to have been through a great deal, has a streak of melancholy mixed with caution about life. This isn't a bad thing. I'd prefer a realist than a constant dreamer refusing to understand all the many ups and downs of life.

The reoccuring image in my mind is the New York trip you took with him. You showed your devotion to Parker in that one particular incident where you didn't want to leave him alone. No doubt, Parker took the act to heart and will never forget it. No doubt you mean more to him than you know. As impossible as it seems from your perspective right now, he could fear you tiring of him at some future date.

He has noting to worry about. Neither of you have anything to worry. What you guys have is real because it has endured so much already. Remove all rigors of day to day living, you two are your own Brock and Zolton already. :-)

Corey Keith said...

Blaq, I agree wholeheartedly. Dating is a step by step process and we make it one day at a time.

Bronze, I love you and I agree. Amazingly, each day gets better and better.

C. Baptiste-Williams said...

i think im almost offended I wasnt invited to Brocks party... if i wasn't in DC i would umm oh well LOL

life said...

You sallowed a grown man pill on this post. It's tough to stop rationalizing something and remove whatever fantasy you have about the manner and realize it's not going to produce the end result your looking for. Good for you

D-Place said...

Even though Parker is young. I say get him to think about the future. Even if you do it in small steps. Just like your friends Brock and Zolton their comforts came gradually I'm sure and not all at once like one might think. Plan a weekend trip together somwhere. Just the two of you to see how you work together. I don't think what you want is a dream. If you can see it you will have it.