Black Gay Pride 2007 has come to pass, and like most things that mark this year, it was forgettable, and yes, in some cases regrettable.
The focus of the weekend really surrounded my roommate, Aaron.
Aaron.
Where in the world do I start? I have not really written more about Aaron lately because of the sensitive nature of our relationship. Things have been strained as he has become more engrossed in his relationship with Kali and I felt that it was best to simply keep my thoughts to myself. Well, this weekend things in that relationship, and in ours, came to a head.
Aaron and Kali fight. Beds have been splinted, eyes dotted, and faces scratched up. The relationship is parasitic. I doubt the genuineness of both parties and I can see fault in both parities. But Kali is not my friend. He rarely speaks and we have never had a true conversation in the six months he and Aaron have been together. He is not my concern. Aaron, however, is.
Kali is here a lot and that also bothers me.
The situation presents quite a dichotomy. I am a renter to Aaron and a friend.
As the homeowner, I don’t feel as though I should intervene. Aaron rents a room in my home and if he wants to keep his lover in his room six days and nights a week, who am I to comment? If he wants to beat the shit out of his houseguest and have his house guest beat the shit out of him, as long as walls are intact, why should I care? Its only when his actions affect me should I get involved, and to be honest, as a homeowner, I am rarely affected. Kali is almost nonexistent. He doesn’t speak and I barely even know he’s here.
But as a friend, I am devastated. To see someone I love in an unhealthy relationship is disturbing to say the least.
An example of this dysfunction- Kali was not here all weekend. It’s gay pride and he vanishes. He doesn’t return calls and he’s gone. All weekend, I watched Aaron pace and worry and fret. He did not leave the house. But suddenly, today, Kali’s back. I figured he would be. He has to get to work some how, and don’t believe the hype… Marta (Atlanta public transit) is not smarter.
Yeah, the whole scenerio sounds a mess to me, too.
I am resolved to stay out of this and I will. Sometimes you have to let go and let people learn for themselves. I am a protector. I am a big brother, and sometimes, deep in the throes of passion, a daddy. I love my friends and, sometimes to my detriment, will go to lengths to make sure they are okay… but not this time.
The focus of the weekend really surrounded my roommate, Aaron.
Aaron.
Where in the world do I start? I have not really written more about Aaron lately because of the sensitive nature of our relationship. Things have been strained as he has become more engrossed in his relationship with Kali and I felt that it was best to simply keep my thoughts to myself. Well, this weekend things in that relationship, and in ours, came to a head.
Aaron and Kali fight. Beds have been splinted, eyes dotted, and faces scratched up. The relationship is parasitic. I doubt the genuineness of both parties and I can see fault in both parities. But Kali is not my friend. He rarely speaks and we have never had a true conversation in the six months he and Aaron have been together. He is not my concern. Aaron, however, is.
Kali is here a lot and that also bothers me.
The situation presents quite a dichotomy. I am a renter to Aaron and a friend.
As the homeowner, I don’t feel as though I should intervene. Aaron rents a room in my home and if he wants to keep his lover in his room six days and nights a week, who am I to comment? If he wants to beat the shit out of his houseguest and have his house guest beat the shit out of him, as long as walls are intact, why should I care? Its only when his actions affect me should I get involved, and to be honest, as a homeowner, I am rarely affected. Kali is almost nonexistent. He doesn’t speak and I barely even know he’s here.
But as a friend, I am devastated. To see someone I love in an unhealthy relationship is disturbing to say the least.
An example of this dysfunction- Kali was not here all weekend. It’s gay pride and he vanishes. He doesn’t return calls and he’s gone. All weekend, I watched Aaron pace and worry and fret. He did not leave the house. But suddenly, today, Kali’s back. I figured he would be. He has to get to work some how, and don’t believe the hype… Marta (Atlanta public transit) is not smarter.
Yeah, the whole scenerio sounds a mess to me, too.
I am resolved to stay out of this and I will. Sometimes you have to let go and let people learn for themselves. I am a protector. I am a big brother, and sometimes, deep in the throes of passion, a daddy. I love my friends and, sometimes to my detriment, will go to lengths to make sure they are okay… but not this time.
9 comments:
Hmmm...this is a tough situation.
My suggestion is be a friend. Say your peace. No more, no less. Offer your advice and opinion and shoulder to lean on. Be supportive, but be careful not to be overly anything.
Often times people put up with dysfunctional relationships because they can't (for whatever reason)see what everyone else can see.
Awww...poor Aaron. I know it must be hard for you to sit back and watch him suffer like that.And ur right, MARTA is not smarta. Now let me go get my bus pass.
LOL @ "I am a big brother, and sometimes, deep in the throes of passion, a daddy." So did you say anything to Aaron?
I had a rule for my TENANT, an over night guest was fine however guest staying more then one night he needed to check with me. By LAW you have right to what is called "Peaceful enjoyment" It does not souund like your home is either peaceful or enjoyable. I suggest you get this shit and check, before it really does become your problem!
PS-
How does Parker feel about all this? I assume hhis 21 y/o but is at your house alot?
When it comes to situations like this, I speak my piece. I'll bug the hell out of the friend until there are results. I do this because there are a few times that I should have said something and didn't.
If friends don't like or are not at ease with the person that one is dating and say something, about it, then one should listen and take heed.
I truly appreciate everyone's comments a lot. I need advice cause, um, my life is a mess and I am trying to clean it up. Kennon, Parker beats me so he thinks it is cool.. just kidding... he thinks it is utter silliness. He is 21, but kind of mature. He knows what a functional relationship should be like.
It's hard to keep your peace when a friend is in pain. I think it's okay to mention your concern to Aaron but avoid bad mouthing Kali, that won't help.
KennonP makes a good point. In the end it is "your" home. As hard as it may be, you probably will end up drawing a line in the sand about certain things you don't want taking place on your property. A good friend should see your point of view I think.
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