Yes, all is well that ends well. I made it back to Atlanta on Friday and we sat down and talked over our problems. We made up and had a great weekend. We caught a movie on Friday (Dark Knight- I saw it, Parker had not… I loved it even more the second time, Parker did not), went to party on Saturday, ate well (Pappaduex brunch), shopped, and went swimming on Sunday. It was a good weekend after a rough week.
Reflecting on the week of not speaking, I spoke with our mutual friend Jay about our situation. As Parker and I have had fight after fight about the small things, Jay asked if our moving together is the reason we are fighting.
Um.. no. The problems we are having now are problems we were having before he moved in. Stubborn is as stubborn does.
Jay then asked if the problems we were having were because both of our preferred roles is top.
Um.. maybe. Jay made a great point. Someone has to give and in most cases involving Parker and me, (like all of them) no one seems willing to back down.
What do you guys think about… all comments are appreciated. Please be honest and keep it real…
17 comments:
I made a post on this subject on my "previous" blog (oh yea, it's me Dusty btw, lol). I don't think it's a top or bottom thing. I think it's mostly because we are men. Men have big EGOS, in all capital letters. One can be the most effeminate guy, but he's still a guy, and guys love to win, and would try our best to get it.
Me and my other half have managed to *not* fight over small crap. I usually back down in those cases just to shut everybody up, and also because I tend to be the submissive one. It ain't worth the headache. He can have his ways. But on some things, neither of us were willing to back down (like career choices, or big purchases), and that has created MAJOR drama. And it still does from time to time. Granted in the end somebody "loses" the battle, sometimes it's me, sometimes it's him. And somebody will get really pissy about it. But I guess you live with it, you move on, you make up, and you look forward to the next episode of "who's gonna win this argument?" It's innately programmed in our genes to win.
That's my theory drawn upon years of relationship, some years more dramatic than others. lol.
In any relationship I've ever been in, I have always ended up biting the bullet--I've always ended up biting the pillow as well. I do kinda think it has something to do with the whole bottom/top thing. I'm definitely submissive, and take on all aspects of that role. I know when to stroke my man's ego, and feel like I have won at the same time. I can only imagine how hard that must be to not have one person assume the submissive role.
I'm so glad you freakin' love birds made up, and don't be surprised if when you get home from work the cat's door has been taken off. I just couldn't see you guys fighting over that again...lol.
sexual compatability shouldnt be the most important thing in a relationship but it can definitely cause a lot of strife in a relationship if it isn't exactly right.
so if you know what the issue is how do you fix it?
I will say if your major problems are sexual, you need to have a serious chat with parker. sex problems are like the kryptonite to relationships!
have a convo wit him. don't just discuss the problem, discuss what led up to the problem... get to the root of it then work on a solution together...
Oh high hell with you 'top' people. UGH! LoL.
I agree that sex isn't everything but shit it sure as hell is important. You're friend might be onto something...
~Damnit!
It is really hard...
Dusty, I have no idea how you have managed for 13 years... I am amazed..
Q, I wish he would bite that damn pillow and close his mouth...
c. baptiste, how do you fix it?
fuzzy, I wish it was easy as communicating...
blaq is right... I am gay because I like to screw men in the booty and for Parker, I guess its more vice than versa and its a problem...
Okay I'm sorry...how does two tops work, just curious, for uh future references...I mean someone is bound to do things they don't want to do sexually, so uh inquiring minds want to know. I mean are y'all at least vers. tops or whatnot?
I'm sorry If Only You Knew, but yeah it may have something to do with two men meaning two egos, but not all men have egos, some are very humble, you can't lump all men into one category. I will have to disagree it can very well come down to it being a bottom/top thing.
Most of the time what happens in the bedroom can affect what happens in the kitchen, bathroom, living room dining room, yard, basement, attic, it can affect the whole damn house. If you have two guys who like to screw other men in the ass, but don't like to get screwed very much, then... Houston we have a damn problem!
Um, you have to ask yourself if both of you guys being tops is something you can deal with. Other than that it's really hard to comment because you haven't given us enough back history to be able to provide some information.
I know what you can do though. If you fix that boy some smothered chicken, I think you'll be fine. You keep playing around...you know, one taste and all your problems are solved. I have a pic up on my blog cuz I made some this past weekend for some friends.
I think it has less to do with sexual role, but more to do with dominate personality. Two dominate men tend to struggle. Boy, do we!
Darius, you got one more time to mention that got damn smothered chicken before I make it myself and have it delivered to your door!!! LoL.
Ya know, one of my peoples just broke up with his dude of 5 years. They were both 'Tops' (ewwww...lol) and they started off doing the whole 3 sum thing to deal with the sexual shyt but it just came down to it that they didn't have that emotional bond. They were more like 'friends' so now they've decided to be just that. It's so funny to me because I couldn't be with someone whom I can't share all of me with and vise versa. It would personally be a complete waste of time for me.
~Damnit!
Sigh, YB&DL... How does that work? At this point its a matter of preference...
On most occasions, our sex life, if you want to call it that, is amazing. We really match in that we are both freaks and.. lets just leave it at that (for Parker's sake... I am VERY OPEN TO SHARING my sexual proclivities, but Parker, not as much...)
But every now and then there is a need for more than what we are willing to give...
Darius, I cooked taco salad last night...
Life, I don't think we are truly both dominate... I think Parker is passive aggressive, but I think I am the more dominant one... I realize that most times, and with most people, I can be too dominate. But in the past, it has been what my partners have wanted. They enjoyed being dominated. Not the case with Parker (most times).
Blaq, I swear, if we did break up, I would feel like I've wasted my time. We are in love and I am determined to make this relationship work. My motto is "breaking up is not an option."
OK, another bits of my opinion... have the 2 of you considered couples counselling? You said you're both in love and are willing to make the relationship work. Might be worth the money. It's nice to get input from fellow bloggers, but in the end we're all subjective to our own experiences (myself included), as evidenced by the range of responses.
Just a thought.
Okay, Corey, I say problems are problems and they are not just going to go away. It is foolishness, to me, to stay in a relationship just for relationship sake. Those problems are just going to get bigger and badder and in the end you will end up truly disliking each other. That's just the reality of what is real, and I don't care what the sexual preferrence is. You heard me?
As far as you both being tops...hummmm. I just had a Wendy Williams moment. There are plenty of things that two tops can do, but in the long run you both are going to want the booty. So you have to ask yourself a question and be honest with the answer.
Why am I in this relationship with this person? That question spawns off many other questions that you will have to answer.
In the long run, all relationships have their problems. You just have to figure out how major the ones you have are and if they are worth working them out. There is nothing wrong with the occasional fight in a relationship (verbal). People are going to have misunderstandings. What matters is if the relationship grows from those fight. And of course, the same fight over and over is never good.
Of course, that is only one man's opinion.
I agree with OMO...I'm having a Wendy Williams moment too. But it sounds to me that both of you are thinking that you're going to be able to convince the other to the be bottom. At least it's starting to sound like the issues are around sex...well at least for you cuz we don't know what Parker is thinking.
Now yall are either going to have to agree to give the booty to each other regularily. Or hold on to the the top/bottom role stereotypes it appears you have associated to them. If the roles aren't the problem then somebody needs to really figure out why you're even in this thing.
I believe a lot of men do have a tendency to want to conquer things that seem out of reach to a certain extent. It almost sounds like you both are trying to win control.
Great! My motto, however Cory, is "Peace BYTCH!" LoL. I will do all I can WITHIN REASON to make a relationship 'work'. I will not force one. And please don't take my statement out of context for I am not insinuating that you are forcing your relationship. I'm just basing my words off your motto. I take no options off the table.
~Damnit!
I am very impressed from all the comments on this issue from educated black males. The words of wisdom is outstanding. Everything I wanted to say has already been said and I have learned "If you can't say nothing...just wave your hands". So I am waving and smiling to all of you that gave your words....Bless Y'all....Corey and Parker...there is nothing greater than black on black love...it is powerful.
from my previous experience, sex is a big thing and SOMEBODY is gonna have to bottom - maybe both of you guys - or the issue will continue to bubble underneath the surface.
Post a Comment