All good things come to an end... I'm through with it...

I am single. It’s been four months of working it out to realize that it cannot be fixed. I really don’t have much to say other than this is not my decision even though it’s probably my fault. Life is hard and relationships are too. It’s hard to balance work and home and school and love. It’s a war and I lost. And not only did I lose the relationship battle, I’ve lost the battle with the bulge. I have been eating myself into oblivion. The worse I feel, the more I eat. Corey is such a mess. I don’t think I have ever been more of one.

There isn’t anything else to say, really. I am at home, listening to Stevie.

“Over time, I've building my castle of love
Just for two, though you never knew you were my reason
I've gone much too far for you now to say
That I've got to throw my castle away

Over dreams, I have picked out a perfect come true
Though you never knew it was of you I've been dreaming
The sandman has come from too far away
For you to say come back some other day

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

Over hearts, I have painfully turned every stone
Just to find, I had found what I've searched to discover
I've come much too far for me now to find
The love that I've sought can never be mine

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me

And though the odds say improbable
What do they know
For in romance
All true love needs is a chance
And maybe with a chance you will find
You too like I
Overjoyed, over loved, over you, over you”

Momma Dearest?

My mother and I have never been best friends. It’s not as though my mother and I do not love each other. We do. It’s just that we really don’t understand each other.

My mother always wanted a normal son and I was anything but normal. She wanted a boy who romped around, was funny and endearing, and who knew when to keep his mouth shut.

Nope. Not me. I didn’t romp around. I wasn’t very good with hand and eye coordination. I wasn’t funny or endearing. I was… me to put it simply. I belonged behind a book, not a baseball glove. And I never knew when to shut up. And nope, I still haven’t learned according to most people.

I was never the son my mother wanted but she learned to accept me. These are not things we have shared through conversation, mind you. There are some things you just now. And with this, I am now struggling to accept her.

My mother is dating a 36 year old. I am thirty. I know this guy. We went to the same schools. I just don’t know if this is okay, but I have diffantely made her think it was.

My mother accepts my love life so I think its only natural that I accept hers.

And if you ever wondered where I got my penchant for cute, younger guys… yup, I got it from my momma.

You may think you know, but you have no idea... (Read YBand DL first...)

Great bloggers inspire other bloggers to write. This weekend, while finally catching up on my blog reading, I ran across a great blog written by YBandDL where he made a number of great points regarding the nature of being a blogger. The post, which can be found at http://youngblackanddownlow.blogspot.com/2009/10/you-think-you-know-but-you-have-no-idea.html, stated that while we may read a blogger’s post daily, we actually don’t know who that blogger may really be as a human being. This really made me think. I agree wholeheartedly with YBandDL.

The reason I write this blog, the reason I started it in the beginning, was to be honest and provide a true window into my life for my friends, both far and near. I want people to know me for who I am and to accept me for who I am. Sometimes this happens. Sometimes it doesn’t.

As the months go by, however, I find that I do pick and chose what I post and what I reveal. Parker doesn’t want me to write about our relationship and I understand and respect that so I don’t. That is a given but in regards to the other areas of my life, I could definitely be more candid.

Some may say that I don’t owe it to anyone to reveal more aspects of my life, but I beg to differ. I owe it to every reader to provide a worthwhile and valuable read. That is my goal and that is my pledge. When you load www.coreyisamess.blogspot.com, it is my hope that you find something that can on days inspire, on others inform, but that can always enrich your blogosphere experience.

With that said, I am happy to bring back 21 Questions. Each reader is encouraged to ask three questions and I will answer each up to question 21, honestly and candidly.

Full disclosure?

So my ex-lover Michael (www.) confessed that he has been dating a female since June and that they are getting serious. And as is the case whenever I express my opinion with Michael, a disagreement occurred.

I have had sex with women and the actual sex part is usually good. The other aspects, however, were not so good. Oral sex with a woman, however, can be a soppy, floppy mess and I have never been a big fan of big… breasts.

Michael thinks that he should not tell the woman he’s dating that he has lived a homosexual lifestyle. He feels that the past should remain the past and that telling her would only lead to insecurities for her.

I feel that not only does she have a right to know about his past, she has the right to decide whether or not she would want to date a man who has dealt with homosexuality. If she is unable to accept that, Michael should not be able to accept her.

And so was our disagreement.

Come away with me...

Life can move so fast sometimes, that we forget what living is all about. Tonight, after two weeks of going at break-neck speed, I stopped, had a drink (courversior, tonic, and lime) and cooked dinner (pork chops and greens). I am sitting on my coach, enjoying my dinner and drink, and listening to Norah Jones’ Come Away with Me. God, that CD was amazing. She can never touch this, huh? No can either, huh?

It’s really about learning to just slow down and enjoy the moments that can so readily be passed over. I am learning to slow down. Every now and then. I think I am going to take a couple of days off next week for myself. Maybe just lay in bed and read E. Lynn’s new book or get a massage or catch up on this season of America’s Next Top Model. Hmmm. I wish I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow.

Oh well… things may slow down, but they still go on.