So my ex-lover Michael (www.) confessed that he has been dating a female since June and that they are getting serious. And as is the case whenever I express my opinion with Michael, a disagreement occurred.
I have had sex with women and the actual sex part is usually good. The other aspects, however, were not so good. Oral sex with a woman, however, can be a soppy, floppy mess and I have never been a big fan of big… breasts.
Michael thinks that he should not tell the woman he’s dating that he has lived a homosexual lifestyle. He feels that the past should remain the past and that telling her would only lead to insecurities for her.
I feel that not only does she have a right to know about his past, she has the right to decide whether or not she would want to date a man who has dealt with homosexuality. If she is unable to accept that, Michael should not be able to accept her.
And so was our disagreement.
20 comments:
These men need to step up and stop all this because a fact of life is...PEOPLE ARE QUICK TO JUDGE NEGATIVELY!...that is just how they are...And these women will be quick to SHADE EVERY MAN IN THEIR LIVES JUST BECAUSE ONE INSECURE AND LYING ASS MAN...DID THEM WRONG! MAKES IT HARDER FOR THE REST OF US WHO CAN STAND UP AND BE OURSELVES....
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He better tell her before she finds out from someone else...
I couldn't get past "soppy floppy mess", You lost me right there....
I must agree with Stella*Della. Our pasts have an unusual way of sneaking up on us when we least expect it. So my question is.. Is he now trying to proclaim that he is Straight???????
Corey I agree with you. I think that he sould tell her. If he doesn't he is living a lie and she would never forgive him for that. If it is true and serious then it may continue. I just find it odd that she didn't ask any of that when they first started dating. I think that is a pretty standard question for women these days especially in Atlanta. Maybe he has already lied to her. But all in all lies will never get you far.
*Thirsty*
Surprise Surprise Surprise..hmm I would have to disagree.
First let me ask this...from all who commented or future comments...Do you tell the person you crrently date about all of your past sexual experience? I'm talking whether gay or straight do you discuss them all?
I persoanlly don't...I don't discuss any of my other mens, women's nothing with current dating specimen. Sorry, but I don't...is it necessary for your current love interest to know that you use to be a hoe or serial monogamous...no, let them find out on their own. When you are upfront, people have a tendency to pre judge, and set forth their insecurities.
If he was honest with her, let me tell you what would happen, she might say as long as it's in the past all is good, but then she is going to think about it, and discuss it with her friends and family, and they will tell her to run...it would never have a fighting chance if he is honest with her.
If they make it a month after he reveals this, then forever she will feel insecure. Everytime he happens to merely glance at a man, she will think, is he checking him out, has he slept with him before, why, what, who is that to him. It's one thing for a woman or man to be jealous of their man or woman to find other men and women attractive, but it's a whole other story, to feel jealous of them being attracted to their own sex. They feel like how can they compete. Like how can I compete with dick, if I don't have one...How can i compete with Coochie, if I don't have one...It's a hard pill to take.
I say as long as he is safe with her, and don't mingle sleeping with her and men at the same time...Don't Tell Her!!!!!!
YES MOST OF US DO....AND YOURE ON THE DL YOURSELF SO WE EXPECT THAT ANSWER FROM YOU!
EITHER WAY.....LIKE I SAID..WHATS DONE IN THE DARK ...WILL COME OUT!
Touchy situation I believe you were right in the assessment of the situation and the opinion you shared with him. Whatever he chooses to do with it is his business.
Thats kinda messy and brotha man needs to let ole gurl know that he gets down on the other side for more than one reason.
What exactly about what I said is closed minded?
Just curious...
I might very well talk a lot of shit, never denied that, nor that I was a hoe...100% hoe...not proud of it, but it is what it is. However I never talk shit that I can't back up. I have experience to back what I say up.
I'm goign to say this, it takes a very sexual liberated, and free woman especially black woman, to expect that her man is bisexual or was bisexual, plain and simple.
I have heard women say that if a man just told them upfront that he liked men too, or use to date men, they would be fine with it. Those same women later on, were the ones talking the most smack about Al Reynolds...and one female who had told me this, when their was a news thing online about Dwight from Housewives of Atlanta getting engaged to a woman, who was okay about his sexual past...well this girl, was the first to say, it couldn't be her to marry a gay or bisexual man, like dwight's fiancee.
A lot of people say a lot of things they don't mean or think about to later.
There was also this episode of MTV's True life, called I'm a Bisexual or something. This black guy was trying to date this black woman. He decided to be upfront about his sexual past and his feelings of bisexuality. She was all cool, when they were talking about it on the date. Soon she flipped the script and couldn't handle it, later on.
Whatever Corey's friend decides his only his place to tell....No one else. If it comes outinto the light fine, but it's not Corey's place to tell the female nothing.
Let me say this I might not agree with pretty much everything one particular blogger has to say, but one thing is for sure...when they said they wish they could be in my shoes...he was probably telling the truth there...
People love to live in glass houses don't they?
I AM GOING THROUGH THE SAME DRAMA. THE FISH USUALLY WINS. HE WILL NOT TELL HER BECAUSE SHE WILL RUN FOR THE HILLS,LOL. MOST FEMALES DO NOT EXCEPT THERE MEN MESSING AROUND WITH OTHER MEN PAST OR PRESENT. SHE WILL FIND OUT ABOUT HIM.
Tell dude to just go back to dating dudes and keep shit simple. Why waste her time and his? It can be 10 years from now, but WHEN she finds out (and her nosey ass will), she's going to leave him as she should.
But on the other hand, that's his business if he wants to tell or not. I know he's your friend and all, but if you've given him your opinion on this subject, say nothing else. Just continue to be a friend without judgement.
I agree he needs to tell her. Let that be her decision not his. The past alwyas comes back to hunt. It never really stays in the past,it will finds it way to the light. Everything that you do in the dark comes to the light.
full disclosure... MASSIVE FAILURE... if he wants his relationship to fail then he should tell her. i agree with YBandDL on this because you can never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. just because you painted a house that doesnt make you a painter and i dont see why certain ppl feel the need for ppl to tell certain things but others dont have to.
the fact is ppl need to learn mind their own business why lots of ppl cant get their own lives in order is because we spend too much time minding others ppls business and not paying attention to our own.
fact of the matter is if regardless of whether he used to be a gay porn star or not... if he treats her well and is loyal and faithful to her what is the problem. why cant we be happy that two ppl have a loving relationship. it is not false if he chooses not to tell her of his sexual past what matters is how he feels about her? or am i wrong?
thing is... if it comes out.. its generally malicious ppl being hateful and jealous of others. if it does come.... maybe they wud have been thru enuff that it is not an issue after all... afterall life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards.
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