Sunday, September 14, 2008
...and a break up.
Parker and I are separated. It’s been two weeks since we came to the mutual decision to take some time apart and decide what we wanted to do about our relationship. And it has been two weeks of my being in denial about the situation.
I have not blogged about our “break-up” because I have been unwilling to accept that we have broken up. But we have. And accepting this has not been easy.
Today I went to church. I woke up and texted Fe Fe to see if he was going and when he did not reply, I went back to sleep. But I could not stay sleep. I knew that there was a message I needed to hear. And did I get an earful.
I am assuming Pastor Meredith saw Tyler Perry’s The Family That Preys over the weekend because his message was “And This Too Shall Pass” and he repeated the line… “Is that so…” Change happens in all of our lives and we have to accept it.
I am not good with change. I have never been. Usually when things change, when people leave or hurt me, I simply move forward. I go on as though it is not my fault that I have just lost another relationship, be it friend or lover. While everything around me may be different, I am always the same. But now I realize something that I have never realized before. I need to change. I need to change a lot of things about the person I am if I truly want a relationship to work and if I truly want to be happy…
And before I can change me, I have to accept me. And before I can work on the present, I have to accept the past. I guess I need to start at the beginning…