Sunday, September 14, 2008

...and a break up.


Parker and I are separated. It’s been two weeks since we came to the mutual decision to take some time apart and decide what we wanted to do about our relationship. And it has been two weeks of my being in denial about the situation.

I have not blogged about our “break-up” because I have been unwilling to accept that we have broken up. But we have. And accepting this has not been easy.

Today I went to church. I woke up and texted Fe Fe to see if he was going and when he did not reply, I went back to sleep. But I could not stay sleep. I knew that there was a message I needed to hear. And did I get an earful.

I am assuming Pastor Meredith saw Tyler Perry’s The Family That Preys over the weekend because his message was “And This Too Shall Pass” and he repeated the line… “Is that so…” Change happens in all of our lives and we have to accept it.

I am not good with change. I have never been. Usually when things change, when people leave or hurt me, I simply move forward. I go on as though it is not my fault that I have just lost another relationship, be it friend or lover. While everything around me may be different, I am always the same. But now I realize something that I have never realized before. I need to change. I need to change a lot of things about the person I am if I truly want a relationship to work and if I truly want to be happy…

And before I can change me, I have to accept me. And before I can work on the present, I have to accept the past. I guess I need to start at the beginning…

13 comments:

BPS 2.0 said...

You are so right, this too shall pass. You were a somebody before the relationship. Guess what? You are a somebody even after. Time will heal all things. Trust. Hang in there CK and heal at your pace. You have support and place to share your feelings right here on space.

KennonP said...

Has he moved out? Do you think it had to do anything with his age? This is way I can't date younger dudes, that feeling of I'm a part of thier learning experiance and they are learning off me for the next guy, Mark was 4 years younger and thats how I feel. But atleast you guys lasted a long time. I don't know what percipatated the break up but something tells me there is still hope. Keep the faith

Stephaun "Elite" Wallace said...

Wow. I was just having this conversation with someone the other day about the same concept, of accepting self before you can truly accept others. Flaws and all, as Beyonce says. As others mentioned, keep the faith, and know that you are not alone in your struggle.....happiness is only tear drop away.

bLaQ~n~MiLD said...

Interesting. Sorry to hear about the break up man. Trust I know how it is but...2008 has been a damn interesting year but ya know what, ya live and you learn. Keep it moving and be the best you that you can be ma dude.

~Damnit!

Q said...

Oh Wow, stay strong...Separations suck. We are here for you.

life said...

Aint this a bleep! I think your pastor said it best! This too shall pass. Stay encouraged!

Why do you feel like you need to change ALOT?

Voice of Reason said...

It is nothing like "Rediscovering Yourself". Sometimes you have to be alone to accept you and appreciate you. Many times we move on from things without healing from the past. Take it slow, remain friends first of all because you did say you loved him and love does not disolve with the flick of a switch. Respect each other in this process. Most of all Keep that MOFO 3rdEye open.

D-Place said...

A very important lesson! Sometimes we forget ourselves when we are with someone. I did it but now that's over! I won't do it again. And don't you either!

thegayte-keeper said...

Your pastor was right things will get better

Young,Black and DL said...

Sorry to hear about you and parker, I have questions, but I will save them for later...um you know what will cheer you up, you have been awarded the Honest blogger award, see my blog for details.

Darius T. Williams said...

Hmmm - damn man. For real. U want some smothered chicken? You know your blog fam is here for you. You just let us know and we'll be there...virtually, of course!

*virtual group hug*

Chet said...

Best believe "this too shall pass." Corey Keith it appears that your readers have given you the best advice in reference to this matter... Take sometime for you, reintroduce yourself to yourself.

I feel your pain and being that I have been there I can let you on something "time will heal that wound." Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.

Holla at ya later Man. Be strong and take good care of yourself. We will be here when you return.

Acoustic Soul said...

I wouldn't so much figure or think that I am the one that is in need of change. Perhaps it's just finding the one that matches your grooves and vice vera. Sorta of like puzzle pieces.