Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The Reason, Part Two

During the summer before High School, I wrote B.J. every week. He wrote me back twice, but it did not matter. He had beautiful handwriting but did not have beautiful words (he barely made it out of middle school). My mother allowed us to talk on the phone once a week and his father did the same.

In retrospect, those letters and those calls should have sounded so many alarms. However, my mother claims, even to this day, that she never thought I was gay.

Two days before ninth grade started, we got the news that B.J. was coming back to start high school with us.

I was elated.

Throughout high school, we were inseparable. We were leaders in our church’s youth group and choir. We were active in sports (I played football, he excelled at basketball, we both ran track), in extracurricular (SGA) and one could not be seen without the other.

We even worked at the local grocery store together. We shared everything, including underwear (um… I know… but I am going to be honest here… I am sure that is where my underwear fetish started.)

I loved him deeply, in a way that I cannot describe. It was familial but more- a lot more.

And with love comes pain- sometimes as deep and as mad as the love I felt for him. There was a dark side to our friendship. We fought- a lot. We were jealous of each other. We both vied for attention from other people. He knew how to hurt me (emotionally, mentally) more than anyone else. He knew just the right time and just the right way to make me lose it.

Once, in 11th grade, in front of everyone we hung out with, he asked me if I was gay and stopped me cold in my tracks. He had never done that before and it hurt me to my core. I could not believe it. And the fact that he was saying it in front of our friends made it worse in the eyes of others because we were always together.

The problems we had always blew over, though. No fight could keep us apart because we were more than friends- we were brothers.

But I did not want a brother in him. I wanted a lover.

And that is where it all went wrong.


That Dude Right There said...

Ok! Keep spillin the tea!! Don't leave us hanging!!!

Dusty Boot said...

Wow. So do y'all still keep in touch to this day?

JB said...

I'm starting to get into this now... by the way how did you respond to his question when he asked if you were gay?

Corey Keith said...

Dude, its coming...

Dusty, you will be surprised at how this ends.

JB, I was like, hell no, niggah, uck you...

Q said...

If you don't tell me the rest...(lol)

YBandDL has got Chris Brown's back said...

You get on me about my cliff hangers, it's because I get tired of writing, and mine are getting too long, you are doing this on purpose...come on all ready...did you or didn't you?

Why would he ask you that infront of people, that's like hitting below the belt.

4GOTTEN1 said...

Okay so what happens next go ahead and finish it.

Crazy Diamond said...

Wow, this is pretty eye-opening! You played football in High School?! :)

It's a little sad that the people who love us best inevitably know how to hurt us worst. It's something that I really have to work on in my relationship. When my boyfriend is treating me shady, it's so simple to reach out and push the buttons that I know are going to piss him off and hurt him. But that's not a fair way to act or a fair way to love.

Can't wait to read the rest!

LongOverdo said...

Damn...I bet he wasnt gay